Current Relationship: Monogamous Preferred Relationship: I guess a more open/FBW relationship. For my relationship I feel that 95% of my relationship is mostly perfect, with the other 5% revolving mostly around the sex life. Sex for us is fine and all, however there are certain things that I can't necessarily do due to it being uncomfortable for her/something she's not into. Is it wrong for me to want that "third person" involved to fulfill my kinks and fantasies when my partner is strongly for monogamy?
No. She's on a downward spiral that starts with this, proceeds through ten to twenty years of amputations, and ends in death. None of that precludes her from wanting affection, intimacy, and sex.
I'm very similar to Kira in the type of relationship I'd prefer, one with a very primary person, and then some loving friendships orbiting around that. I have been dating a married polyamorous woman for (polygamy is different! ) for just over 5 yrs. I've identified as poly for ~ 7yrs. I discovered poly while reading online and living as a swinger. I preferred monogamy until being head over heels in love with my first love, and she was better suited to an open relationship. I struggled with tremendous jealousy, but after she broke up with me, I started reading lots of erotic stories. My perspective changed. Having threesomes and/or allowing my partner to have sex with a friend of mines started to make total sense. Well, now after 8 years of very infrequent swinging, then 5 yrs of polyamory, I would prefer to not be involved in egalitarian polyamory (all partners set as equal priority ) with the exception of finding some dream poly neighborhood to live in. Then I'd try total equality till the cows come home, but not living within a couple of miles from all partners, I'd prefer hierarchy. So, I'd prefer something a little more casual, like swinging, but where crushing on someone is allowed. I just feel spread to thin, or that my partner's time gets spread thin when more than 20 mins of distance is between people trying to be nearly equal as a group. So, I just had a first date with a single woman that seems to want what I want, sex with others that she cares about and has a crush on, but not strive for being equal among us. So, I'm thrilled at the idea of us possibly being #1 in each other's lives. I have noticed that some generalizations can be made about people's replies. The single people that had a crush voted mostly for mono, with one or two exceptions, then most of the people that voted for open /poly are seeing someone (some members that replied are exceptions to this ). You see, the feelings of New Relationship Energy are part of what is behind the perspectives. People that are considering opening up have passed through that stage with their partner, and can see that they now are attracted to others at times. It's not exact, just a correlation. Regardless of mono or open, what is needed to discuss with a partner is boundaries and expectations. Caracal seems good at this, for example. This is one thing that people don't do, or do clearly enough. For example, I know of monogamous couples that check out other people, sometimes together. Some others may allow playful flirting, and say they take that lust back to their own bed as fuel. They are still monogamous, but have different boundaries than mono couples that demand very high fidelity from each other. Some mono couples consider fantasizing about others or masturbating as cheating. I'm fairly certain that none of you on this thread expect that high level of fidelity. You see, there is a spectrum. We may be at various spots on that spectrum at different times in our life. I was once jealous of my partner masturbating. Now, I love watching my partner with another guy.....or gal.
Exactly how my Relationship is right now! Also I don't think so, I'd like that too. Nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy life and your self, but be with a person you love too. This too please.