The "Bad Mood" Thread

I seem to have lost all motivation. I really need feedback and social interaction to motivate me into anything. That is most likely why I do most of my writing now while on break at work. Being around people gives me a feeling that there is something there to be done. Unfortunately my only genre I feel like writing is erotic. Would not be much of a problem if I were around fellow minded people, but my mind is filled with so much filth that even a Semi-Professional Dominatrix has told me, "To turn it down a little". Then again not many are into the whole of idea of inter-species sex (female elf, male orc). Then my designs are often considered: too bland, too complicated, and/or too human. I feel that I might fail as an engineer because the mathematics goes way past my head (however there is not a machine on this planet that I cannot work on), and I fail as artist for lack of talent. 3 months of practice and I can't give stick figures a sense of personality. I don't know where I fit in other than grinding on inside the wasteland of mediocrity and I seem to be failing at that as well because I can't even pay my bills

 

There are times I feel like having a quick and easy way out of this world would be a good idea. Like a gun or something. Just in case I wanted to call it quits I could in a swift manner. I don't suffer from depression and I have never felt like taking my own life but I am more often gloomy than I am joyful. That's just me I suppose. Still, this idea of a fast and sure way out is appealing. Just in case. I do consider suicide incredibly selfish but I also see it as something you have the right to do because it's your own life after all. I don't think I would ever want to commit suicide but knowing that there is an exit that is easily accessible is somewhat of a comfort or... I don't know a better word for it.

 

Sorry to say that but it's not a good idea. Because people that commit suicide usually takes the decision for wrong reasons at the worst moment and it's never rational. I don't know the medical term for that but suicide require a very special state of mind and it last only 2 or 3 seconds. If you have access to something to terminate you at that moment (firearm, bridge, etc) the error will be done but once the moment is gone you don't even think about ending your life .

There is stories of people having jumped from a bridge and survived who said that while falling they were badly regretting what they had done.

I had a really hard time recently with depression and ideas about suicide and my first reaction was to throw away the ammunition that I had for my assault rifle. Just in case.

 

Not too sure if this goes here or not seeing as how I was (and still not) in a bad mood. I was however very stressed about this whole ordeal. So if I've posted this in the wrong place please let this khajiit know so he may fix his mistakes.
Anyhow this entire weekend was a ball of stress do to the fact the the computer I bought with my own money, the one I had since 09 decided to up and kill it's self between Saturday and Sunday. It's been having issues off and on since the start of this year and they've only escalated 'till now. For example the monitor and keyboard wouldn't want to turn back on if they computer had been in sleep mode for more than an hour. It would take 1 or 2 hard restarts for it to cooperate. It would sometimes blue screen upon sleep mode or rarely as the year went on it would blue screen upon shutdown. The fan wouldn't cool anything off, it would complain about this or that, forget updates and what have you.
Now I think this all started when one of my shelves decided to dump some collectables on the computer. It blue screened but seemed fine after that, kinda like me. It had a bit of a concussion (I've had plenty) but was okay. Ever since then my computer has only gotten worse like the shelf dumping 2 things on it is what started putting nails in the computer's coffin.
Yesterday it wouldn't turn on at all, so Ben unplugged some stuff around it and the damn thing turns on and acted fine for the rest of the day. My mom for what ever the reason (thank the stars for my mother!) decided to go ahead and buy my a refurbished windows 7 HP laptop. This saved my ass let me tell you, because yesterday (Sunday) my Windows Vista 09 Computer 'shit the bed' and was not going to come back on no matter what. Thankfully most of my stuff was saved via my husbands quick work. The hard drive was able to be saved and my stuff back up on my external 1terabyte hard drive.

So now my old computer has been scrapped for it's usable parts (commandeered by the hubby) and it's shell returned to Best Buy where it will be melted down in the fiery pits of Mordor!

 

Goddammit, I want the Sims 4 so bad, but it's so ridiculously expensive, I might never afford it ;;n;;

 

It's not as polished as the originals. The character creator is amazing though.

 

Today was wonderful, until about 45 minutes ago when my mom let me know that she had found cut marks on my little brothers arms near his shoulders (to be hidden under his shirts,) so of course that meant anything and everything was right back out of the house (he had improved quite a bit until today and had some of his room privileges back to some degree, obviously we gave him a little bit more trust then we should have) so we emptied out all of his drawers and his closet and all of that and he just fucking lost it, picked up his guitar and threatened to "beat the shit" out of my mom. So I did what I think anybody else would do in the heat of the moment and kicked his ass. And he has shown absolutely no remorse whatsoever since to the point where my mom has made it explicitly clear to him that if he steps out of line again, she's calling the cops and having him committed, and she has me charging her stun gun right now for when I'm up in NC in a couple days. I mean, I just, what the fuck.

 

@Blinding dude sorry to here you and your mum had to go through that today? Do you know what is causing this behaviour? Is he being bullied and is lashing out cause he doesn't know what to do?

 

He's dealing with depression stemming from both genetics (family history on his fathers side leading to his great grandmother, who killed herself because of depression) and then a giant mixture of our living situation (house doesn't feel like home because my grandfather has left most, if not all of his shit here which liters walls and rooms, especially his until two weeks ago when we took care of that and even repainted it,) him making poor choices in regards to who he has as friends and a bunch of other shit. He has a psychiatrist that he goes to every week who has him on a pretty heavy dosage of anti depressants and sleeping pills and there was absolutely no sign of this happening at all, we knew he still wasn't quite okay but for him to do that was just completely unexpected. I mean like not even an hour and a half ago he was laughing with my mom, so I don't even know at this point, all I know is that now I get to worry about my mom's safety while I'm gone.

 

Yeah, it really isn't a good idea. I have also heard the stories of people regretting their decision mid-air. Perhaps what I find appealing in what I stated earlier is the idea of deciding for yourself when your life will end no matter how you feel. I don't really know. I agree with what you're saying though and I know it might not be the healthiest of thoughts to have but it's still in my mind.

 

how old is this boy?!

 

14. He's about 5'10" and a little chubby where as my mom is just under 5'2" and has had an autoimmune condition since she was 7 that stunted her growth (her bone density is 3 deviations below normal, which is because she's been on prednisone since she was 7,) and right now is going through renal failure which has left her in an even more fragile state. So yeah no, if he had taken that swing (he wasn't even two feet away and had it lined up with her head,) there was a strong chance he could have killed her.

 

... i would call to have this kid put into some place because that is not safe. the stun gun is a good idea but she could get in trouble for it, even if it is for self defense, because it is his mother shocking him. i know, the world is whack. without you around, i wouldnt trust him at all after that. once is more than enough, especially in her condition.

 

I know, my mom's said she'll let me know if she decides to have him committed before I leave and I'm going to let her know that I think that's what would be best, because he has shown zero remorse for anything he did today and that's really unnerving.

 

do it while you can because if he doesnt show remorse...
well, it might be cataclysization (probably, its what my brain does to me, probably thinks its funny to see me panic over nothing) there might be plotting going on with him.

it might be a little fetched but given the situation, i would be doing this ASAP.

 

I'm not defending gender violence but, when I see a vid that claims he hits her first and in the footage when she meets him gives him a nice reverse slap which makes her hurt... I'd totally not defend that girl. If you create violence, you deserve violence.
If it was me, I wouldn't have hit her but I would run into a marathon of yelling and asking what the fuck. And probably leave.

 

That reminds me of a Whoopi Goldberg video that I love.

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=798169116861777

 

I don't want to do anything. I want my health class to have turn into class assignments instead of being online, and I want my English to do it's own research. I also want my boyfriend to call.

 

If the time comes for tattoos to move like Harry Potter's photos, I'll tattoo that video and carry the audio in my mp4 so I can play it to ignorant people.

 

Ok I am getting royally pissed at buying my manga from stores now. Don't get me wrong it's not the price or anything like that it's the condition they are in. Most of the time I check the condition of my manga before I buy it. Because to me it's someone's hard work put into a graphical novel so I want to keep it pristine. Especially if I have to sell them later on. (There will have to be a very good reason for me to sell my babies)
Anyway getting side tracked from the main reason for my rant. Back to the condition. In the past two years or so volumes of manga I have been picking up on my travel have been piss poor to say the less. Pages ruckled and bent, pages torn which you can't see when the book is closed but when you flick through it huge rips in pages. Even numbers or words etched into the covers from some fool writing their orders on top of there stock. So I am indeed frustrated by it. Especially finding out another manga I picked up the other day with my friend has huge etch numbers in the cover saying 120. Why my manga why not someone's who doesn't give a rats ass about the condition theirs is in why mine.
(Ｔ＿Ｔ) {ばか！]