The "Bad Mood" Thread

It's a shame how many people won't understand that respect has to be EARNED.

 

"you arent being respected? well how are you treating everyone else?"

ignore me being ranty and depressive.

for my own addition; this happened the other day but im still a little peeved about it. my dad decided to go into my room instead waiting two minutes for me because i was in the middle of something. like... no you stay out i never said you can go in my room. it is never a good thing when dad goes rooting for something.

another thing thats been going on lately, my brother has been mounting the personal attacks more often; mostly using the 'do-nothing' one. its like... i finished four frames, finished two drawings and a plush that were commissioned/ordered from me. totaling to earning about $170 in the span of a week and a half. i counted it, wondering how much i had, and found out i had more. i say it to myself then he just laughs and says that he has more.

while it looks like nothing... it is emotionally crushing that he has to say he has more, that he is better. why don't i drive? because he always berates me at every turn. why am i on the computer a lot? because i have friends online. why do i wear my tails? because i am freakin depressed over tons of slag and need some unwarranted happiness. does my happiness always have to be valid?! i just wanna have a good day. i can't anymore because he belittles me. he takes advantage of me and my nature. makes me give in to his desire and if i dont for once then he badgers mom until she makes me do what he wants me to.

i decided to play with my calligraphy dip pens some more today, work on some drawings and finally take care of a bug that's in my tumblr (trying to learn a little coding, so im just tinkering with my blog since it wont hurt anything to start). i figured some things about my nibs, finished the commission and solved the issue. before he was home from school. to which he later, of course, said i do nothing but sit on my computer all day. i work best in quiet with some background noise, like a good tv show or soft music. when he is home, its loud. he yells at his game, which at this point i dont see the difference between it and CoD (its Farcry4 multiplayer) because he screams the same things at it. plus he REALLY bothers my misophonia because he cant even eat quietly let along play a game with headphones, but he already keeps them so loud that i can hear his game.

today, he decided that he wanted me to make cookies since we had mix. dad heard it and said to make them too. i wound up making them while they were gone JUST so they leave me alone. what was my brother's first words in the door? "did you make those cookies?" and me nor mom will get a couple of them. he and dad eat them all in an hour. i told him to do the dishes since he is the one that made me do it. guess what he hasnt done?

i wish i could get a steady income without a job that puts too much on my shoulders so i can move out, be free of my brother, and wait for my boyfriend to come home. heck... i wish he could just talk to me on skype. a lot of stress is lifted when i talk with him... gives me a chance to forget a few hours in the night, talk to someone that actually supports me, not bothering me to do things.

and i really need that. if i can get one wish, its to get that week away with him, that was stolen from us. to have him here for Christmas.

 

@Icestar *hugs* I feel bad saying things over the Internet is the only thing I can do >.<
But for your brother I might have a solution... Invest in headphones that isolate as much outside sounds as possible, then you can listen to music quietly and you could not give a shit about his yelling. Just a suggestion.

 

the only buds that do that are the type that go into the ear :/ at least what ive found, i dont get to go out to many stores anymore since mom gets tired pretty quickly out of the house, i dont remember the last time i got to walk around the mall.

 

How about buying in the Internet then? And there are some headphones that isolate well and aren't in-ear type (mine do, but it might be due to the loudness of the music lol), but they can be quite pricey, and heavy (meaning uncomfortable in a long run) :<

 

i would need to look. maybe tomorrow i might get a chance at looking if we go into the mall (going to bestbuy about my computer again and its in the mall plaza). but usually mom wants to go home when were done if we go that far. i miss walking around the mall.

 

I'm tired. "I-can't-comprehend-what's-going-on-anymore" tired. A week of doing heavy physical job (moving tonnes, and I mean it) of old binders from place to place at work, then housecleaning at it's best - wiping floors, cleaning windows, this kind of stuff. My back hurts like hell. And my mum of course doesn't seem to understand the amount of work I have done - she tells me that I'm lazy and don't do things she wants in the blink of an eye. Great. :X

 

Before my shift today I popped into work just to nab a few things and one of my colleagues stops me and says just the person I want to talk to. Here's me thinking I am going to get praised for slogging my guts out in the storage freezer and tidying up perfectly. 3 hours in there she is lucky I like cool places.

But no she accuses me of selling a customers damned Turkey by putting it out. One I saw boxes of turkeys in that freezer yes. Two they weren't the ones she was describing and three I was to busy sorting out the bloody freezer she is supposed to keep tidy actually tidy.

I told her this in nicer terms of course instead of apologising she went off to blame and question another member of staff.

*sigh* I definitely need a better job. Roll on 2015.

Also guess what's happening this Sunday. I'm not tidying that freezer. >

 

I'm not really in a bad mood but something I saw on the TF2 subreddit just annoys me more than anything.

There was a post about some guy doing his first "sync jump" basically it's a rocket jump where you time 2 rockets to hit the ground at the same time sending you (in theory) twice as far as 1 rocket. Super fucking easy, it's at 76 upvotes currently.

My most upvoted post to that same subreddit is me doing the world's first "horizontal, blind, quint telesync". REALLY FUCKING HARD, 47 upvotes. I'll spoiler the video below.

Spoiler: The video

WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY PRAISING SOMEONE THAT'S SPENT MAYBE 10 HOURS TOTAL JUMPING SO MUCH MORE THAN SOMEONE WHO HAD PUT OVER 400 HOURS INTO IT?!?! And now I've spent close to 1000 hours, just jumping, and I wouldn't get close to getting 47 upvotes regardless of what video I make.

Maybe I'm just jealous and butthurt, but I put over 3 hours into that 1 jump and then properly edited it. The other video was just a shitty 5 second clip with no effort put into it at all.

 

I have no idea what any of that means.

 

Reddit is weird. I don't like the upvote system at all there because it seems nearly arbitrary. To be honest, most upvote/downvote systems are completely whacked.

 

Yeah I understand how you feel. To simplify: I did something really hard and someone else did something way less impressive and got more praise. RIP me.

My irk is more with the community than the voting system. It seems like the people that are bad at this kind of thing are way more vocal and populous and therefore somehow appreciate other people being bad over good for some reason.

 

Sunday fundays used to be the highlight of my week but now I dread them.

Social interaction isn't something I like to do often. And now with all of my friends dating each other, it's pretty much 3 couples and Gus.

I love my friends. I really do. But I can't really...i don't know how to explain it. I guess I can't deal with it? Cope? Idk. I'm fine when it's me and one couple. But when it's everyone all together I just sit there trying not to make up some phony excuse to leave.

I'm truly happy deep down inside that my friends have found partners. They deserve all the love in the world and I'm happy for them.

Maybe I'm just jealous. That's probably it tbh. Or envious that they are hardwired differently than I am mentally and it makes it easier for them to find people. I wish I could be like them; unafraid of people and not so incredibly broken on the inside.

I have nine hours till I have to go out and I'm hoping a few cancel so I can stay home.


(also i'm feeling really shitty about my sexuality and gender for the first time in...a very long time and i don't like this feeling at all)

 

I believe it is you mostly feeling awkward rather than anything else and lonely. You are with a group of friends each dating one another and you are the one that is still single. But you really shouldn't let it get you down and ignoring the people that want to hang out with you.
Do they do anything like make jokes about you or things that would make you feel unwanted then they are not friends. But if they bother to include you as well as their other half in having fun as a group don't let it slip away because you may feel lonely now, but You'll be even lonelier if you ignore your friends.
So chin up get ready and think positive thoughts who know if you show your true side you might catch the eye of someone destined to be with you.

Also what wrong with your gender sweetie?

 

I know where you're coming from. I've felt the same way many times and wondered what it was I did wrong or what they did right. All around me my friends were finding partners and forming solid relationships while I was struggling to even find the motivation to branch out and find someone of my own. A lot of the problem for me is that most of my friends lead a very vanilla lifestyle compared to me. There's a whole side that none of them know about me, and apart from my online friends, any real life friends who do know about it are either taken already or live on the other side of the globe/country.

 

what's the deal with relationships. what exactly is it they offer?

 

Depends on who you ask.

 

I'm asking anybody willing to answer

 

They don't really make jokes about me. Normally when they do it's in good fun. They only thing they do that bugs me is they keep pushing me with one my one friend, wanting me and her to date (i think i said something about this a while back or something) but for the most part they've cut down on it. Me and her want to take things slow before we decide to date. Like very slow.

I don't know if I'd catch anyones eye tbh with you. I'm the kind of person who fades into the background (if it says anything, in school my teachers would mark me absent when i'd be sitting next to them) and generally goes un-noticed IRL. It uh...kinda sucks sometimes since it happens all the time even now that im and adult. My parents even forget I exist sometimes which is pretty bad.

As for my gender, I began to feel really shitty because I feel like it's a factor in why people over look me as well. Once in a while there are people who get interested in me but as soon as they hear "I'm transgendered, female to male, and I would like to be called male pronouns" people go running. Probably because I look more feminine than masculine 99% of the time and idk just thinking about things I feel shitty about it.

That's another thing. When it comes to things like BD and other stuff, I'm the only one that I know of in the friend group into those sorts of things. Same with a lot of fetishes I have too. But then there's me being asexual as well and...well...yea makes things even harder.

For me, it offers me companionship more than anything else. All I want in a relationship is someone who will love me faults and all, unlimited cuddling and spending time together because we both love each other in a deep way. Idk that's about as best as I can describe it.

 

huh, bizzare.