The "Bad Mood" Thread

I'm sore from the gym AND my period cramps have kicked in

 

I WAS WEAK.
(Translation: I got back together with that guy and now we're both just kind of terrified of wherever this is going... Maybe I should bring this one to the relationship advice thread. >3>)

 

....
I am le stunned

 

I knowwww.... it's a terrible, terrible idea. <___> Everyone who weighed in on this one has "I TOLD YOU SO" rights if/when this falls through. o___<

 

I think this belongs here. I was trying to relationship with this guy, who liked me and a chick who had a bf. He initially decided he didn't want a relationship and just wanted friends, but I still wanted relationship. After some conversations and him telling me we're just not compatible that way obviously I am hurt, and I had told him before said conversations I was OK continuing how we were (cuddling, sex, etc.) But since then, I just can't really find the ability to close myself off. I mean, I have been dying for a real Friends with Benefits where the guy is actually a Friend and not a guy who just treats me like a booty call (i.e., don't hang out outside of sex or anything). But because I still like him, I don't know if I can do it...and mind you all, I realized through all this I am not ready to relationship at all because I feel like complete shit. I can't fucking socialize in person well at all because I have had little social interactions growing up so miss a lot of ques and shit.....and I keep getting attached too quick and everything.

I feel worthless right now and part of me doesn't want to continue what I've got going on with the guy. Mainly because A) I'll eventually get hurt, B) I'll feel like I'm settling for less than what I can get. My throat is constricted with upset-ness (don't care I made up a word).

 

Thanks, I'll try!
At the moment we're both confused as fuck, lol...

 

Never in my life have I cried from period cramp pains, but I'm damn near there

 

I'm supper fucking tired. I don't think you're supposed to feel like an old man at 25.

 

and now my glasses have broke. I was just going get a new pair today, too. Jesus wow lol.

 

I know what you mean with those cramps. I never had them before but the in the last year or so I've started to get the random month where it's like argh! What did I do to deserve this?

*hugs Misskin and puts a water bottle plushie on your belly*

 

Really pissed off at my boss right now. I came in this morning and he gave me "The Talk". I didn't get a write up or anything but it felt like a warning. I'm the Dairy Manager in my store. I handle the frozen and refrigerated sections, other than Meat Department. But I don't get paid a manager's wages. I've been here 2 years and I still make minimum wage. I started out as a grocery stocker. Then a few months ago, just before Thanksgiving, I took over Dairy, because I had been helping with that department for over a year and I knew it better than anyone else they would have to train.

I an something of a perfectionist or you could say I have some serious Obsessive Compulsive Disorder issues. This slows me down. Management seems to have trouble understanding that. So I am always being told I need to go faster. Today that's what our talk was about. I'm pretty infuriated about it. I'm known for not being afraid to speak my mind and right now I'm trying very hard to keep from going off on him. There were other things too. I just don't have time to get into details right now.

 

Well...my computer decided to die sometime last night while I was asleep and my latest back-up is well over six months old because of having been too busy with work and other things to do it... It being Super Bowl Sunday, I can't get it into a shop. It's more than half a decade old by now so I really should have made a back up but...I still can't get any actual work done today.

 

Beeeennn a while since I've been in here. I feel like this belongs here hella bad. I've been in a horrible mood over it the past few days.

Okay, Idk if anyone ever remembers that friend i talked about having feelings for and who i thought had feelings for me. That was a hella long time ago. So she pretty much fell off the face of the earth for me for a few weeks. I was worried, since I was practically destroyed when she and i didn't talk for a year because of real life complications between us both.

Come to find out in the shittiest way possible (on a game forum we both play on) that she was in a relationship with some girl. Needless to say I was genuinely stunned and incredibly hurt. Me and her talked and turns out she stopped talking to me BECAUSE she was in the relationship with that girl and wanted to spare my feelings.

No. No that is not cool at all I feel absolutely used and abused. You don't just tell me every fucking day how much you love me and wish I was there, only to disappear and go 'oh well i sort of fell into this relationship...'.

I was sobbing. I was crying my eyes out and I felt like I was going to vomit. She fucking KEPT THIS FROM ME. I feel so fucking led on. WE HAVE FUCKING HISTORY TOGETHER. 8. FUCKING. YEARS. OF BEING BEST FRIENDS. WE WERE ACTUALLY COMING TO TERMS WITH OUR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER AND THEN...THEN...

I feel soooooo fucking hurt that she couldn't have told me weeks ago about it. Yea I would have been fucking hurt but jesus christ on a ritz cracker.

Me and her had this whoooooolleee giant talk about it. How every time she's with her she thinks of me, how she feels like she has to choose sooner or later between her gf and me, how she loves me as much as i love her and how she 'fell into the relationship because she thought we'd never work out but then realized we did and a part of her died inside'.

I'm sorry but it's really fucking shitty that she couldn't even fucking tell me as one of her best friends about this. No. Instead she left me, hanging out on a limb waiting for her and waiting and just.

I'm so. fucking. hurt. I get she could have been scared but you don't just pull a giant fucking disappearing act and then pull this shit. She knows how badly things like this can mess me up mentally, she knows me better than anyone else in the fucking world. She's the literal sunlight, moon, and stars in my life and has been for so long and now it's just...

I hope you guys don't see this as me complaining about missing out on dating someone. While I had chances and yes, I was apprehensive of asking her because of losing a friend and whatever. I'm more or less complaining about the fact she didn't have the gall to tell me straight to my fucking face and that I had to find out second hand on a fucking random chat forum board and still tell me how much she loves me and everything.

I just...Nope. I just fucking can't. Part of me wants to scream at her. I kept myself as calm as I could during the conversation with her (while my other friend was keeping me calm and sane which I greatly appreciate from her). I want to tell her not to talk to me for a while because I know if I talk to her, I'll scream at her about she's fucking heartless and just left me there wondering what the fuck I did wrong to upset her or hurt her. I feel like I can't trust her you know? I just.

Fuck. Every. Thing.

((i apologize for the giant rant that probably makes me look like a little baby but god damn i hurt so fucking much i feel like i just lost my other half))

 

Consider this a "good job getting it all out" like.

And that's really shitty, but it sounds like you let her know as much. I think you handled it pretty well, and the ball is really in her court again for how to handle what she should realize was a huge mistake.

Oh, and *hugs*

 

*hugs back*

Thanks. I'm not sure tbh what she is going to do and i guess at this point I care and don't care. Like I care because I still love her like crazy but i don't because how how freakin' bad she hurt me. One of the last things she said before i left the conversation and signed off was 'looks like i have to live in the reality of my decision instead of my little fantasy' and i was kinda like 'no fucking kidding'. I know how prideful she can be but the entire time she was saying sorry i felt like the next thing she said was contradicted by her next statements.

Like you said. Balls in her court now. I'm not gonna give up on her but I'm not going to openly seek out to talk to her after this, she'll have to come to me, or at least for a good long while.

 

Welp, now I'm worried about my job that I just started last week :/ ended up knocking over a PC (there isn't much room to work on more than 1 PC here) wasn't an important one but still. Boss said it wasn't important and not to worry about it, but I still will.

 

Ugh. Every time I think I am beating this fucking awful depression, it comes right back to bite me in the face.

 

I think I've only wrestled with depression once, and I'm not even sure I can call it depression exactly, was probably more like extreme apathy. It was years ago but it persisted for about 3 months but somewhere in the end I said "...you know what Apathy, fuck you. You may be here to stay, but i'm going to go back to how I used to be even if though it doesn't feel the same anymore."
I can't even say when it happened, but after that I caught myself realizing that the apathy went away unnoticed and I was enjoying my life again.

I can only consider this an example of fake it till you make it or something

 

I've been faking this for literally years. Since junior year of high school which was 2008...and it sometimes works, but then I get violent relapses.

 

As you know I ordered a gaming chair the other week but had to send it back due to it being faulty. Well I received my new one today and not only was the box badly damaged but the same problem is happening again. I am so frustrated.