I haven't talked very much in the past two weeks IRL. My voice just sounds like I'm shaking, it cracks, and sometimes I even lose it when i speak. Not that I'm complaining, everyone now FINALLY understands that I have selective mutism in most of my courses, but it sucks that when I speak my voice sounds like literal shit.
I mean...it sounds like it to begin with but the shakiness and everything makes it worse.
It's also giving me the unfortunate pleasure of re-evaluating how I tend to blurt things out, make shitty jokes, and just overall lack the skills to even remotely socialize to anyone when it comes to speaking. I've more or less realized this with this one girl who I can't really get mad at because she doesn't get my humor yet but everything just dies off in the conversation when I say one wrong thing because I'm too much of a fucknut who just says things and ends up being a total jackass when I don't mean to be. When we first went on call together I began whimpering and crying, having to end it because I made a stupid joke and the remark she made (even though it was innocent and i guess right?) just punched me in the face and made me really realize how big of a dumbass i am.
....i think i'm just gonna go back to the way i was in high school and just stop talking all together (i never talked in high school because of my anxiety and dealing with being selectively mute)...
EDIT:
I'd feel bad making another post but ugh I keep getting misunderstood by this person with what I say and it's driving me fucking insane. I wish she would just say 'i don't understand' in a nice way because i feel like she's sassing me? Just...ugh...it's making me feel even worse and I'm now getting panicked when I send messages x______x
Last edited: Feb 24, 2015