The "Bad Mood" Thread

I know...I'm trying to be there for my boyfriend as much as I possibly can....she's getting surgery at the end of the month...it hasent spread yet, so it's possible that she might not need any chemo or anything. Fingers crossed.

 

Best of luck to your boyfriend's mother. Hope they've caught it early enough.

 

You should have told me so much was going on vitani, not hearing from you for so long had me worried that something was wrong. Originally I thought I had done something to upset you, now I'm worried that too much is going wrong and stressing you out. You know I'm always available to talk about anything, I'm excellent at listening.

 

hopefully that's the case.

 

*puts on the sad music from FFX*

the first ever hard drive i bought has not died 3:
hears to 11 years of faithful data storage also i had to reinstaller because of that and lost most of my personal files *sobs*

 

Twenty minutes before finishing the evening shift last night, my boss called and asked me to do the morning shift. I could have said no, but I didn't. Bweh. So tired.

 

I woke up so confident and full of strength this morning, and now I'm crying in bed. I'm so lonely and tired of everything; sick of myself, other people and the impossibility of being truly happy. I just wish I had the strength to give my life up.

 

Let it out, let it go, let it be.

Some of us would very much like to make you not feel alone. We're certainly not sick of you and we all want to give you a push towards happiness. I don't think there's such a thing as true happiness to be honest, happiness is the power of little moments and experiences and connections to inspire, fulfill, and energize us. Cherish and appreciate the little things.

 

I feel this way, quite often, to a T, and I wish I had some real advice to give. All I do is take pleasure in the things I can, and hope the rest improves.
Some of us certainly like seeing you, Akai,

 

I'm tired of waking up hungover almost every day, but I love to drink. Ethanol is my mistress and she's a bitch.

Since Saturday I burned through 2 26ers, a sixer of palm bay (nasty shit but it's booze) and a few beers. Someone stashed away some cheap, dirty booze at work and a coworker and I pounded back a couple shots when the boss wasn't around. Couple that with the fact that I'm smoking like a freight train again and a few people have already given the very good advice of cutting the crap out...I feel pretty stupid.

The problem is I don't want to. Every time I go do a booze run I look forward to going and I'm super motivated. When it comes to some electronic projects I've been working on, I just don't care. Thankfully weed is a little more difficult to get.

Fuck.

PS Different purple letters so it's easier to read.

 

Ughhhh... I've been down this road before... Alcohol may be a terrific servant, but it's a horrible master.

I don't know if you came here looking for advice (I know that's the last thing I wanted when I had a bit of a problem) but try to set some hard limits on yourself such as no drinking at work, only X number of drinks a day, be a DD once in a while ect...

Alcohol be pretty fun in moderation, but if it starts invading parts of your life that it ought not be, it's no fun at all, and trying to cut back after its got to that point is even less fun.

 

Yeah, I'm worried about that. Advice was much appreciated by the way.

I was gonna ask my dad who's been through AA a shitload, but he drinks still, and will probably end up asking if I wanna split a 26. It's funny to think about but no good for me.

Another problem is I LOVE drinking alone and have the music going...and when I'm drunk the only thing I care about is the music playing, booze in hand and maybe some food. Most of the time I smoke up and drink even more since that pushes my tolerance way the fuck up for some reason and then I pass out. Next morning I don't even want to work and it's getting to be really annoying.

 

ugh... my brother.
earlier i got for hot chocolate- he ate almost all my marshmallows, then there was no creamer, and no milk.

and a bit ago he broke a plate over the glass pyrex dish. a bit ago i chomp on something hard, and wrote it off as a piece of ceramic. no harm. but i bite into another, and spat it out.

it was glass.

 

You could always set a really hard rule for yourself. Like, you can only purchase alcohol one serving at a time.

 

grumble
I've been feeling pretty lonely lately and missing my ex a bunch ><

 

Having another relapse after a pretty good, week. Talked to school counselor about my suicide and PTSD, was nice to hear someone say that I am doing all I can and that my abuse appears to be ongoing. I feel like crap because I am 2 years into college and having a crisis over the fact i cannot find a job and am a dependent on a family that makes me feel guilty for everything I do. Honesty I am a feedee who is to the point I do not want to eat because of guilt and its horrible.
I keep crying and its to the point that I do not feel I am worth help or if my problems are even enough to be considered needing help. -sigh- I just needed to put that out there just in case something does happen to me.

 

That's a very destructive pattern you've gotten into, but at least you recognize it. It really can't continue...
I don't know what would work best for you, but when I was trying to handle an addiction, the only tactic that worked was to never buy the addictive substance in the first place. Weaning off didn't work. If there was some in the house; I wanted it. With your father around, there will always be some, but it will be less (and I imagine he doesn't want you drinking all his beer.)

No stranger to that feeling 3:. Just keep moving, and try not to dwell. It never helps.

@Corbett Hang in there. Your family making you feel guilty is straight up emotional abuse. The types I would cut all association with the first chance I could get.
Your problems are worth help because they're important to *you*, and you deserve it. Who gets to decide your problems aren't worth fixing?
What kind of work are you aiming for? Anything at all, to generate some income? Or are you aiming higher?

 

@Wolfcat since I'm a full-time student I'm just looking for partime to make some money to get things I need and save all I can. Finanicially I am stuck at home to save all the college money I can. Once I get my stupid degree I'm gonna find better work, and I'm half way there. It just feels like I have nothing to show and it's miserable.
by the way thank you for the support.

 

a common exchange between myself and my irrational mind. its something that i know it, but this anxiety is really killing me. im not kidding when this dialogue thing is pretty much exactly how i think... i have the number of a friend on his, when he use his friend's phone to call me... should i send a message and ask? im afraid to... that it might seem suspicious or something when im just worried sick...

mind: so you know your boyfriend? haven't seen him in awhile, he's dropped off the face of the earth for a few months now.
me: yeah, so...?
mind: well what if he's died? and his grandmother hasn't gotten up the guts to tell you?
me: thats ridiculous.
mind: or maybe he's moved on from you, but can't bring himself to say anything, and asked his grandmother not to say, only completely cut himself off from you. or maybe he's been captured somewhere, you know with all the war going on.
me: now come on would that really happen-
mind: and yet deep down you believe me.
mind: these scenarios that i come up with from nothing but your own, horrible imagination- you know they are baseless and irrational. but yet you still fear them to be true. you just sit and hope with the next day for your wait to end, only to be disappointed that you even thought it would. and with each day, you try to forget, but inside you are just slipping lower and lower, crying out inside for who turned into your lifeline, confidant, best friend and lover, who you fear is gone from your life without a single trace.
mind: you get to choose: stay awake for hours and worry, plus you'll never get retribution because there is nobody to ask what's up. or, choose nights wrought with nightmares with all these scenarios that i've thought up for you, and you'll never get to cling onto him and make it go away.
all because you dont know.
and i'll flatten you with it. every. single. night. with the fear you know to be unjust, but yet, you still believe.



im proud of him being in the Navy, i really am.
but i wish that the need for military would vanish.
things would be so much better... for everyone...
i wouldn't have to be afraid.
im sleeping with Toothless tonight...

 

Just wanna give you a big hug and tell you it'll be alright >< How long will it be until you can hear from him again?