Trans Primer:
What is trans?
Trans is a term used to refer to anyone who's gender identity does not line up with the one that is assigned at birth based on their genitals.
Based on their genitals? And why is that a bad thing?
Yup! based on their genitals. How many times have you heard "it's a boy!" or "it's a girl!" based on whether or not there's a penis present in the sonogram during pregnancy? This conflates a person's gender identity with what's in-between their legs and is a harmful practice. It's harmful because it means that trans people and children grow up thinking that something is wrong with them when they don't feel like a girl/boy even when they're "clearly" a girl/boy because of their body. It also means that people that are born intersex and with "indeterminate genitals" (the term used when a baby's genitals don't like like "normal" male or female ones) are generally forced to undergo surgery as infants and small children in order to "correct" their genitals so that they can be "normal" boys and girls because the belief that our gender is tied to our genitals is so profound that they believe that if the child's genitals aren't "normal" that they won't have the "correct" gender identity. (This also ties into other issues like (cis)men being "unmasculine" or "not real men" if they have a small penis.)
You said "cis", what does that mean?
Cis is the shortened version of cisgendered or cissexual. Cis is a latin prefix that means "on the same side of" and so is used to show that this person's gender identity is "in line with" the culturally expected gender for their body.
Ok I know what the difference between trans and cis is, now what does being trans "mean" in relation to how their lives (and bodies) will change?
Well first up a person doesn't have to change their body to be trans. They don't have to take any hormones or any surgeries (known as medical transition), or even change the way they dress or do their hair. Some trans people have dysphoria (where they feel like their body isn't correct) and some don't and even if a trans person has dysphoria they might not want to do things to change their bodies because of side effects, monetary costs, or any other number of reasons. A trans person also might not make any significant changes in their life. A trans person might change their name, change what pronouns they use, change how they talk or walk or they might not do any of those things. Some trans people might not do anything because of safety concerns (like not wanting to get kicked out of the house or lose their job) and some just might not feel the need to change anything about themselves! Both wanting and not wanting to change anything about themselves is an OK thing!
Not changing anything? But I thought they identified differently! Wouldn't the whole "point" be to change?
Nope! Just like genitals don't dictate identity neither does anything else about a person other than what they feel inside. That means that trans men can wear pretty, frilly things, or trans women can have epic beards and play football. A trans person is under no obligation to undergo any changes that they don't want to.
Ok I get it, but if appearance doesn't dictate identity how am I supposed to know what to call people?
Well that's easy! You ask!! You can say something like "Hi! my name is Bob! I use he/him pronouns! It's nice to meet you!" this will prompt people to identify their own pronouns for you to use. If they don't just simply say something like "sorry, but what pronouns do you use? I wouldn't want to misgender you on accident". This is respectful and lets people know that you care about being respectful of their identity.(Side note: don't use the term "preferred pronouns" the wording makes it sound like pronouns are something that somebody "prefers", like a flavor of ice-cream, rather than an important part of their identity.) And I can already hear you asking, but what if I want to talk about somebody that we're passing on the street or something? And to that I say use gender neutral phrasing!! Instead of saying "that girl has pretty hair!" you can say "that person with the silver handbag has pretty hair!" or say "that's a nice sleeve, I wonder how long it took them to get it done" rather than "that's a nice sleeve, I wonder how long it took him to get it done". This way you don't make assumptions on a person's identity based on what their body looks like! This also helps with the problem of people getting "attached to a gender" in their mind. Like if you don't know a person very well but you see they have breasts so you talk about them using she/her, only to later come to find that this person is agender and uses xe/hir pronouns and now you have to "unlearn" a set pronouns in relation to that person. If you never assumed their gender in the first place it would have saved you all the trouble of having to learn new pronouns for them
Ok ok, but you mentioned "medical transition" earlier, what is that?
Medical transition is the broad category of things that trans people can do in their transition that requires a doctor. This is stuff like getting hormone replacement therapy, getting hormone blockers, or getting any number of surgeries.
Any number of surgeries? I thought there were only two kinds, top and bottom?
This assumption is just plain incorrect. Surgeries for trans people differ but can include anything from removing breast tissue and moving nipples for a trans man to a trans woman getting her jawbone shaved to have a softer jawline. Trans people can have any or none of them and any combination thereof. For example a trans woman might have breast and hip implants added and have her jaw shaved and nose resculpted but not have any sort of genital surgery. Or a trans man might have "bottom surgery" but not a mastectomy. And before you ask here is a inphographic that gives some basic information on what happens during "bottom surgery". For more info just google "sex reassignment surgery". But again trans people are not obligated to do any sort of surgery for any reason.
Ok I think I have a pretty good handle on everything you've talked about so far, but now I'm afraid of hurting other people. How can I be conscientious of the trans people around me?
Well I'm glad you asked! There are some basic rules to follow:
1) Always use their pronouns and refer to them by their correct gender when speaking to other people about them (but please be sure to ask and make sure they're out to everybody first, if they aren't do not out them).
2) If you've known them for a long time ask them how they would like you to refer to them in terms of past interactions and ask them if they would like you to remove photos you have of them pre-transition.
3) Always ask before you ask information about their transition especially if it has anything to do with their genitals. You wouldn't ask for invasive details about how somebody manages their diabetes so don't ask about their transition. Especially don't use language that implies that they will or should get hormones or surgery. Like don't say "so have you gotten hormones yet?" or "when are you getting surgery?", instead, if you have their permission to ask questions about their transition, ask things like "will you be taking hormones?" or "have you thought about getting surgery?". That phrasing allows them to talk about what they want in their transition and doesn't make them feel bad for not wanting any certain thing.
4) Don't assume that just because they are trans that they will be willing or able to talk about trans issues at large or to educate you further on anything to do with trans people. Just because they are part of a minority group it doesn't mean that they are now a walking talking encyclopedia for anything to do with that group. If you have a question try googling it first, if you can't find a good answer then maybe ask a trans friend if they would be willing to educate you or would be willing to point you in the direction of good resources. If they're not, don't get mad just thank them anyway and say you understand.
Ok that's all I can think of for now As stated before please feel free to PM me about adding or changing information!
Special thanks to Shardik for providing some valuable information now included in this post!
NOW! Ask questions, discuss, and have fun below!
Last edited: Aug 13, 2014