The "Bad Mood" Thread

i have absolutely no idea.
i have no leads, no clues. he was supposed to be finishing his schooling. he just... never came back online.

 

Do you have somebody near him you can talk to? To ask?

 

nothing. only him, and his grandmother. those are my only contacts... and his grandmother hasn't sent a letter nor called me back. ive sent a letter to both for nothing back.

i have his friend's number still in my phone's call history... ive debated sending a message in the bleak hope it would get me an answer, but fear of it being taken as suspicious ("this person claiming to be his girlfriend sent me a message-" he might not remember lending his phone) outweights doing it.

 

I would send a message with a cover, something clever, to find out if they know anything about him without revealing who you are.

 

that'd just seem more suspicious :/ like i'd say im his girlfriend but not my name, at least initially. they've got my name somewhere since we're together because i've once gotten contact by someone for interview since i'd known him, but if id not say who i was im afraid of causing trouble when i really just want an answer so i can calm down. if i knew what was happening/where he was/if he was alright, i wouldnt be falling apart at the seams.

everyone thinks i stay up online doing whatever schisnit, but thats not really true... im up till 2-3 AM lately because my worry and fear keeps me awake, and i stay online because its a distraction until im too tired to think and i can just pass out with my mind's voice quiet enough to be drowned out by my thunderstorm recording.

bundle it up with the fact that nobody that is actually around me knows this. you guys do- but my friends irl, my family. nothing. i dont tell because i am desperate to keep up this image of someone strong and stoic that's hard to move emotionally... rather than the broken, flattened, and worrisome person i am. i will never go to a therapist. i dont want money wasted and i dont want to be taking pills and i really dont know what the true forms of what the slag is going on with me because then i will worry more because i will know their names instead of lump it all into: anxiety. i dont want to say depression. but it sometimes feels like it.

... i need sleep. i need Michael but all i have is Toothless and my comfort pillow. at least i can hug Toothless and imagine... but its not getting hugged back and not let go till im better.

 

I'm not exactly sure what I'd do in that situation, as it obviously never happened before to me... But in my opinion, even the worst truth is better than hanging in uncertainty. On your place I'd probably send that message, just thoroughly thinking it's contents. Maybe including some details that only you as his girlfiriend can know so you'll prove you're real.

Sadly all I can offer is a friendly ear to listen you out and some virtual hugs. Stay strong and don't give up.

 

The best message to send would be casual. Say something like "Hey, have you heard from (BF's name) lately? He's supposed to have gotten back to me when he finished his (military thing) but that was a while ago, and I'm getting worried."

You don't need to mention who you are unless he asks, and then answer any questions honestly.

 

I would be honest, really that's the only thing I know. I'm just afraid of said message appearing suspicious and making trouble over something that I said I would wait for.

I will be. Thankfully virtual hugs are still a thing.

 

If you being worried about him causes him problems, HE'S the problem. You've been waiting as long as I can remember,and if he cares, he'll appreciate your concern.

 

So I can't drive my car (kia soul) for the next X amount of weeks. It's not broken or anything it's just that my sister just got a job and she doesn't have her license yet... So I have to drive my dad's "boat" (mini-van) because my parents want her learning in a smaller car to make the driving test easier. Which is perfectly fine, hell that's what I did with my car.

But it just fucking pisses me off that about 1 month ago I was out of work for 3 weeks...
You wanna know what my sister was doing during that time?
"Learning to drive?" - you ask
NO! She just fucked around on the internet.
AND she didn't even have to do it during those 3 weeks. She's had her permit for like 3 months, I don't do shit on the weekends, my spare keys are sitting out in the open by all the other ones. JUST FUCKING GO ON A DRIVE.

We're in America, you NEED a license, unless you're living in NYC or some other mega-city with a lot of public transport. Which we don't have. I'm pretty sure it's at least 1+ mile to the nearest bus stop here.

The good thing is that now that she'll be making money she can just go get her own car. But damn it, she's 25 now.


And a seventh thing, my car's radio stations are set up in a very precise manner so now when my favorite stations go to an ad I will have to scramble to find another station I like.

 

Hmmmm.... Well, not so much bad, but rather puzzled mood right now...

I join POF recently, mainly because I really would like to have someone else in my life, but now that I'm on there, I can't bring myself to talk to anyone or even respond to people who have shown interest. I Find that I sort of have trouble forming romantic relationships, especially when that is the intent of the relationship from the getgo...
I really need to conquer this, because I know that I'll be happy once I do, but I can't say I fully understand what's holding me back here...

 

What is POF?
And I know exactly the feeling you describe x.x. It's something I'm trying to get over as well.

 

POF is Plenty of Fish, a free(ish) dating site that is popular in Canada, Australia and The UK, but I don't believe it's that popular in the US

 

Ah, right, I've heard of it. Just didn't ring the bell straight away. Wishing you the best of luck in any case :3

 

Thanks And to you as well.

 

Whelp. My meds ran out of refills. I knew it was going to happen but I didn't think it would be this month.

Which leaves me in a pretty bad pickle. I was kicked from my therapist and psychiatrists office last year due to insurance problems. Basically they don't take medicaid and my other insurance won't pay for anything. It's been like that since I was hospitalized 2 years ago. We think it was the hospital that messed everything up. After all who the hell in the right mind thinks it's good to ask someone who is completely hysterical, sobbing, shaking, and unable to speak to try and tell them what their insurance is? My parents were right behind me and they never bothered to ask them. Blah. We didn't have the money to pay the nearly $2,000 they wanted out of us (all at once because payment plans weren't an option for how much it was) and the insurance said to not worry about it and that they'll take care of it. ....Yea it didn't really happen. They got it down to $800 but that wasn't till AFTER they kicked me out of the office.

And trust me, we've tried on a dozen different occasions to fix everything. It worked once and now they're back to not even paying for my regular doctors (you can imagine how nice it was to get that $80 doctor bill (after paying a $20 copay)).

My normal doctor refuses to prescribe me the medication. I had that once chance with her when I needed to be brought back on it after not being on it for 2 months. So that isn't an option. I can't go back to the place I went to as far as I know and trying to find somewhere else in NY that takes Empire + Medicare is a pain in the ass or I have to drive 2 hours out to a doctor.

I've got about a weeks worth of meds left. *sigh* I feel like I royally fucked myself over but that's nothing new. Doesn't help the headspace I've been in for the past month has been very very very bad. Also I can't really be off my meds (they treat my bipolar disorder, depression, and other stuff).

im gonna go curl up now. i don't want to think about this.

 

Maybe you could try Obamacare? (No, I'm not trying to be funny)

 

I don't know if I qualify for Obamacare or if Medicaid already is Obamacare or what it is tbh. All I know is I might not get benefits because of the fact I'm under my step dad's insurance. I want to get off it but my parents are adamant I stay on it for god knows what reason when it does next to nothing for me.

Another thing I'm not sure of is I'm withdrawing from my classes from this semester. I've had some medical issues (migraines) that caused me to miss so much class that the best option is withdrawal till next semester (which is something idk if I'll be in or not). Insurance is a fickle thing. Idk if I'll even have medicaid since I'm withdrawing from the semester early because of medical reasons (migraines + other mental health issues) or if i'll be back next semester since it requires I'm enrolled full time in college.

Idk. It's all confusing.

 

You missed the open enrolment for Obamacare this year but I think you should check out the special enrolment conditions because I'm not American and don't know. http://obamacarefacts.com/missed-deadline-obamacare/

Look into short term health insurance http://obamacarefacts.com/insurance-exchange/short-term-health-insurance/

 

one of my guys burned the shit out of his hand, and as soon as the smell of the burnt flesh hit me I had this super vivid flashback out of no where. now I'm sitting here supposed to be doing this injury paperwork and I can't seem to get a grip on myself. gonna be a long night.