The "Bad Mood" Thread

:< * E-hugs *

 

thank you.

 

After consuming t00 much pizza for dinner last night, I went to sleep happy.

Then, at 2:30 this morning, I woke up, throat on fire, and unable to breathe. After a few minutes of desperately hacking up my lung over the bathroom sink, I realized that I'd thrown up in my sleep and inhaled it.

So that goes for about twenty minutes before the burning starts to subside, and another ten or fifteen before I could inhale more than the tiniest gasp of air, and my chest stopped hurting. I considered waking up my mom and asking her to sit with me in case I had to call the hospital, but decided against it once I started being able to breathe again. Then when I went to bed, I noticed my jaw hurting like I'd lost a fight, and realized I must've been clenching my jaw in my sleep, trying not to throw up. So that made me cry cause it hurt.

Right now I still am still at about 1/2 my normal lung capacity, so work today is going to be fun.

 

My god man call in!!

 

Nah, I can handle it. I'm up to 3/4 now. I'm just going to be tired and coughing.

 

Not necessarily a "angry" bad mood, but currently feel disappointed in myself for not doing jack shit today before going to work....if I have the energy after work I'll try to get at least SOMETHING done...

 

Sheeeiiit, that's rough man. Hope you feel better soon.

 

I would have totally used this as an "excuse" to burn sick days I never use anyway (varies by company. I hope you get paid sick leave.) Then again, you feel like crap! It's not really an excuse then, is it?

 

Gaaaaaaaaah.

Today, for the first time in eight fucking months, both my mate and the child were to be out of the house for longer than an hour. The child is virtually hikkikimori-- all of her friends are on-line, she never wants to go out and hang out with them, she certainly never wants to be outside of the house after dark; my mate is, well, my mate; she stays home a lot because of her disability, but she is a political activist and goes to a lot of meetings and fundraisers and stuff like that. But you know that Star Trek TOS episode, The Mark of Gideon, where nobody has any privacy because there are so many people that you can never do anything out of sight of, well, someone? That has been my whole fucking life this past year.

But today, today is Emerald City Comic Con. They both wanted to go. I was kinda meh. I wanted to stay home. I had plans for what to do with an entire fucking day to myself. Not great plans. Not world-saving plans. I was gonna work on a project, do some gardening, play some Halo, and definitely toy a little. For one whole day I got to pretend I wasn't on-call as a husband and father.

So after dropping the kids off at the light rail station (the child's older sister was back in town from college, too, which is nice), I head back and as I'm about to turn the corner into my neighborhood I look to my right and there's an EMT truck at the Starbucks across the street. And I just had an inkling. My one day. My one perfect day. My mate has epilepsy and has seizures about once a month. The only thing that could fuck up my one day was if it hit her today.

My phone rang. It was the EMTs.

 

What amazingly shitty luck! Sorry Shardik.
I'm rather unfamiliar with how severe epilepsy seizures are, so I hope you're mate's okay (assuming she is, since this is a fairly regular occurrence ) but now it's off to the hospital...
You positive your daughter doesn't want to go out? She'd probably be willing if friends were nearby. Much as I like my internet friends, nothing beats some face to face time.

 

Well, the only reason I'm working today is because I'm covering for someone else, and I'm going to have that same "first day ever alone" as @Shardik on Monday and Tuesday, so I'd rather not get called in those days. Besides that, no, I don't get paid sick days, since I'm part time.

Me too. I feel like I have altitude sickness (or how I imagine altitude sickness feels).

 

Thanks. Meh. We got her home and I put her to bed. She'll be fine. She might even be well enough to go out to evening events. I hope so; there's a "Furry Night" at a local gay bar, and this is like my one chance this year to go there. (Yes, the mate knows all about everything; her only complaint is how much room all my toys take in the storage compartment under the bed.)

The child and I have a joke: "We must look like the worst people ever." Because whenever my mate has a seizure at home, she has just enough warning to get on the floor, which she does. One of us grabs a pillow and shoves it under her head and then... we wait. She thrashes and shudders a lot. It's pretty horrible to watch. Her face gets covered in spit and if she's unlucky she bites her lip or tongue and blood joins it. Then she falls still, except for this rhythmic, deep-sea breathing sound from all the saliva she's aspirated, like a horse that can't get enough air.

And the child and I don't do a thing. We sit there on one of the couches, and we glance up from our book or tablet or drawing pad or whatever once in a while to make sure she's okay, but we don't do a thing.

Because there's nothing to do. There's nothing that can be done. The only thing to do is wait until her brain finishes rebooting, which takes about twenty minutes, and then put her to bed. At most, if she ends up on her back, I manhandle her into the recovery position (that's a link) so she stops aspirating spit.

After 25 years of taking care of her, I'm okay with the occasional disruption, but, yeah, why today of all days

 

You're a stronger man than I and you have my respect.

 

i lost the most important thing in my life today

my little baby girl, rue, died while i was out with my dad

i want her back

i want my little girl back this isn't fair

this isn't fucking fair

first everything that's happened and now i've lost my therapy animal, my companion, my best fucking friend. i know she was old but...but....fuck...

fuck everything

just

i can't...i can't anymore...i just can't...

 

I'm not sure what type of pet Rue was (dog, cat, squirrel, etc) but she lived a full life being loved by you.
Take your time to be angry, take your time to be sad, but don't forget to let it pass. Rue spent her life making you happy and I think that's the way she would want you to stay. Maybe when you're ready you can adopt another pet, some other sweet animal in a shelter that needs the love it can only get from you.

 

I'm so sorry to hear that Was she one of the guinea pigs or the dog?
I can't imagine what that's like, to lose a pet, you must be going through so much >< Take your time and try to remember good memories, not just focus on the bad present. You'll carry the good forward with you and be empowered by it as long as you cherish those memories.

“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”
― Thomas Campbell

 

Oh, no, that's terrible. I'm so sorry. Do you know what happened?

 

Rue was one of my guinea pigs and she was my therapy animal. The other two were my buddies but she was the one who helped a lot with my anxiety and depression at times. You know what feeling when you have a pet and they're pretty much you're #1 all time soul mate pet? That was her.

As far as for what happened, I don't know. I'm gonna assume it was old age. She was getting up there in years but she always seemed so peppy and happy but guinea pigs tend to hide their pain. She wasn't acting right yesterday morning, she was very...not there. She curled up in my blanket and just laid there. It wasn't like how she normally would be rubbing up against my hand and nipping me to demand pets while she was laying down. She just looked so tired and not okay. I gave her kisses and held her before putting her back when I had to leave and she must have passed when I was out with my dad.

I spent most of today just locked in my room looking at old pictures of her. I miss her so much. Idk if I'll get another guinea pig anytime soon. We found what we think is a tumor on Alexis (her cage mate) and she's older than Rue by a few weeks. So I'm scared she's going to leave me soon now and I know when she does, Anna (our youngest) is gonna be distraught with being the only one. At that point I'll have to, they don't do well when they're alone.

 

@PrincessGustopher
I see.
If you need someone to talk to through this, my Inbox is open for you m'dear

 

I'm so sorry . Losing a close pet is the worst feeling. One of the only "events" that have ever brought me to tears.