What Is On Your Mind?

Soooo good.

 

I like the new one way more than the old one, it's like road warrior mixed with thunderdome and then they cranked that fucker up to 1000 on the awesome meter

although throughout the whole thing I couldn't help but laugh at it basically being post apocalyptic Warren Jeffs

 

Evening all.
Got a couple of days off so I'm trying to figure out what to do with it.

 

What's on my mind? Lots of stuff, I think too much but right now it's "the feeling of wanting to approach someone but you're too afraid to". And it sucks.

The sucks factor doubles when I reason that I'll never know if I don't try, but ultimately consider that I might be rejected. Furthermore, I'm bothered by the fact that I never cared growing up and did it anyway, being rejected in many cases, but I figured nothing gained, nothing lost, there's tons more people out there.

I wonder what happened to my old attitude, I took a lot of risks just for the entertainment of it and again, nothing ventured nothing gained. I found/done a lot of cool things doing that and other times met some awesome people.

I still do the risk taking but with people I've certainly become more closed off...and I've become self conscious of the fact I talk a lot, so more often than not these days I get asked what I'm thinking about or why I'm so quiet. I have a lot to say...but remember most don't want to listen...and the wall goes up.

Oh and not to mention my SO now knows that I pretty much consider myself bi. I told her I want to explore that a bit (I like the idea of finding a really girly guy comfortable with switching top or bottom) and she told her friend who seems to think that I'm going through a phase...ummmm, no. I don't think so. It's something I've finally come to terms with, I'm no longer an insecure 17 year old and I know what the fuck I want.

Damn it. I'm not even angry, just...concerned. And full of curiosity but restrained by fear.

I'm gonna smoke a J and play with electrons again, then ponder why I even bother with people.

Build something? Toy for a whole day?

 

@Serathaiya I sadly don't think I would be capable of that ^.=.^;

 

Toy for half a day?

 

I may try that, we'll just have to see how things play out

 

Alright. xD

 

One thing I've noticed is that when I get home from work I am absolutely starving...it kinda sucks

 

For what it's worth, I approached someone recently, on a whim, after knowing them for maybe a month. Figured nothing would come of it, since it was across the US.

Visiting her this summer, and playing tons of video games together in the mean time :3. You never know!

 

I think my days is having a crisis because he says he's been feeling self conscious and always asks me if there was ever a moment when he wasn't there for me.

Well I never gave him oppertunity to be there when I was molested but that was never his fault and I didn't know how to ever bring it up to him. Maybe it would be one more reason to have him hate my mom more which wouldn't bother me any as she didn't do much either even after I got her and my step dad to finally believe it had happened.

But I digress...I love my dad very much and it upsets me to see him likethis. It really does.

 

Well now I'm going to cry to sleep. Exam tomorrow. Sorry guys. I'm just...awful lately.

 

Bugger. She has a migraine and has had to cancel. I'd gotten myself all prepared mentally and now we're rescheduling for next week. Boo

 

Monday started... One of the workers had a seizure, and I had to help with first aid. There was a lot of blood, too - the person must have hit something with head.

I hope she gets well, she was taken to the hospital.

 

woah. That's intense. Not your typical monday. Hope she's alright

 

@vahaala its luck you know first ad because I am sure no one at our work does, let alone have access to medical boxes encase something does happen.

Do you know where the blood source was coming from her head. Certain locations are easy to make bleed with blunt force but not deadly.

As for her seizure is it normal in her medical records? If not there is something more serious underlining the cause of the current seizure.

 

._.;;;

Fuck Mondays

 

If Monday was a person, I'm sure a lot of people would want to make it their bitch

 

You can call me Monday then. xD

 

Monday's are good for me because Monday's are sleep day for me.