What Is On Your Mind?

Congradumalations!
Also dem hips and tummy

 

Not gonna lie Jazzi, you have some absolutely delicious hips <3
And congrats on the weight loss ^.=.^

 

But I can't post a boring pic, people here already dislike me enough

 

jesus christ -_- Have you thought about a plan to turn school around or are you just going to move forward? And what kind of stuff is wrong with the car?

 

People here dislike you???

 

I don't know, probably

 

Woah, 20lbs is pretty damn impressive! Nice work.

FWIW: I didn't like you at first, Reptile. Now I do. Probably not worth much XD

 

I've been told I'll have to retake the year in September, but I can't afford it. I completed everything up to the dissertation anyway, I just didn't do too well on it because of stupid rules and never being instructed on how to do them. I'm just going to go back to work for a while and try to go back to college later maybe (College =/= University here). I don't really know what to do now, it's the first time I've ever been out of education. I'm not used to having so much freedom. It's rather intimidating actually. .~.

So yeah, the car: Sometimes doesn't start from cold, I think the fuel filter is clogged or the choke is sticking. Alternator adjustment bolts and panel are COMPLETELY MISSING, so the belt squeals like crazy until it warms up. The seller said he had it and would throw it in with the car, turns out he didn't. It passed an MOT inspection, but I wasn't told that it had a list of advisories until I went to pick it up. Including corroded brake hoses and worn gearbox mount which had been repaired with tape. Was told that these had been fixed, they hadn't. Lots of electrics stopped working even though they worked fine when I first tested them. A lot of the "surface rust" in places wasn't just surface. Clutch was new, which I can believe but now it's bedded in, third gear is crunching a lot. The seller told me he'd given me the wheel lock nut key with the car. He hasn't, and was supposed to phone me today about finding them or getting new ones, which he hasn't.

It was definitely a mistake to buy, and I feel so stupid for believing them and not picking those problems up when I viewed it, but I'm inexperienced with buying cars and I felt pressured to buy one because everything was almost expired on my last car. And now it needs more money before I could even consider selling it again. It's just been a messy situation in general. Fuck UK road requirements and prices.

 

I'm not in the group of people disliking you :3

 

Yeah that doesn't make me too eager to buy a car O_O

Jesus christ....

 

Really, I should've just walked away. I'm just too polite and easy to pressure into things, and the thought of needing a new car forced me to pick up the first one I found. There's a general rule for buying cars: "never buy the first one you look at/try". I've broken that with both cars I've bought myself and ended up regretting both of them. There was a few others I was looking at that I wasn't sure about, but now I'm certain that any one of them would've been a better buy.

 

Was it because I'm white?

 

First impression, probably, whenever that was. It just gradually changed over time is all.

I could be in the "buying a car," boat sometime soon as well. Not excited. Sorry Akai.

 

So Saturday me and my friend ate gpig to get paint powder thrown at us. Its a neon dance thing going on in the town where I work so figured it'd be a good way to start my summer. Get paint thrown at me xD

 

Tracking number for my vaporfi thing still says it'll be delivered tomorrow.
Which is great and all, but it definitely came today. Tryna figure it out. Certain there has to be some drawback to it, but I'm just happy to have a source of nicotine that's not derived from smoking. Should have just avoided entirely from the get go, really.

 

So my Trent was delivered a day early. I had it held in the nearest FedEx.

 

hmmm, 3 cop cars parked across my neighbors driveway and an ambulance and fire truck around the corner. someone musta gotten beaten by their shady cholo boyfriend with neck tattoos

 

Hey, at least you're trying. You've done something to improve the quality of your life and that's whats important

 

Our new kitten thought that throwing herself into the toilet at 00:20 was a good idea. We had to give her a good bath and when I got to my room my computer was running but with a black screen and took 6 hard resets to get moving.
Good day is good, consonance with both tech and nature.

 

Just taking a look through my old USB drive for some files, ended up going through my music from like 5-6 years ago. Damn, so many memories, reminds me of happier times. Makes me realise just how much I've changed as a person, but I'm not sure whether for better or worse. I never was one for being able to let the past go.

In many ways I've become more mature, sensible and confident, but I feel so boring and bland now. I used to be so excitable about so many things, enjoyed myself without getting caught up on how other people viewed or judged me, and even enjoyed myself doing legally questionable things. I felt untouchable and on top of the world, and I loved it.

Comparatively, I'm now a nervous wreck trying to fit in, but it's not making me happy. I've never really felt like I was a part of society and that usually got chalked up to my age, but I still feel that way, just that it never bothered me like it does now. I was proud to stand out and be loud; to wear the weirdest shit and stand tall through it because I wanted to. I was ready to step up to the world if I had to. I miss it, I really do. I never thought that life would turn out how it has, but then who does?

I just feel like an everyday loser, afraid to step out of line for anything through fear of consequences that may or may not happen; it's like I've lost the fire that made me me, if that makes sense. I'm not sure when it happened, but I didn't realise before now just how empty I feel without it or when things changed. I understand that I was foolish sometimes and had my stupid moments that I regret and cringe thinking about, but I genuinely miss the person I used to be; I'm not content with the person I've become. I guess now the questions are, can I get that fire and energy back, and if so how? Even if I can, should I? I'm just sick of feeling like I'm living my life on other people's terms instead of for myself.

Edit: Wow, I didn't mean to ramble on that much, sorry.