What Is On Your Mind?

Woke up afraid of my own shadow. Like, genuinely afraid. Headed for the pawnshop to buy myself a switchblade. Someday something's coming, from way out beyond the stars, to kill us while we stand here;It'll store our brains in mason jars. And then the girl behind the counter, she asks me how I feel today. I feel like Lovecraft in Brooklyn.

That's about how schizophrenia feels on a good day.

 

took a nap and woke up to two dead Dragon Cave hatchlings. Whoops lawl.
Deathly afraid of coming out to my friends as a furry. :/

 

Yep....mind elaborating?

 

Spoiler: Rant, animal abuse, becoming a furry

I'm guessing on the furry part...... For years I've been secretly terrified of becoming one. My ex best friend of many years introduced me to it and she is a TERRIBLE person. She has her dogs fuck her or she fucks them and if they bite her she puts them down. It's disgusting. I recently found that out after ignoring her for better part of a year.
Furries are hated by my friends for being "animal fuckers" - which like, yeah I hate animal abusers too, however coming to BD and now here has made me realize there are SO many different kinds of furries. It's like saying all humans are alike when we are definitely not. Match it with the fact I love furry porn, mlp porn, and I want to be a veterinarian.... I would never tell my friends I enjoyed the porn but like.. My interest in anthro furry porn and my interests in communities (animals, furry, mlp) are separate. When I play with my dog or my parrots I don't think about that stuff. I think about them! My cute pets. I only think of the porn if I'm in the mood. I don't watch mlp and think "yeah lemme fuck that pony" LOL. No. But I can't explain that to my friends. They will think I want to be a vet to fuck animals. :/ I don't know what to do. I guess I'll keep in the closet unless I'm in suit.

 

I was actually talking more about the dead things when you woke up

 

Yeah, I know how you feel - I'm also afraid when I'd tell my IRL friends I'm a furry, they'd link it up with all that porn, and go like "ew, disgusting" and cut contact or whatever.

 

Spoiler: life tips from a cynical bastard

pro tip, you don't have to tell everyone you know EVERYTHING about yourself. there are people I have told I'm bisexual, others know I like furry stuff, others know I'm into baking and decorating/design and a lot of other details about myself (not to mention the porn I like, I don't talk about tentacle porn/furry porn with people who I know will think I'm degenerate scum for even knowing it exists). it all comes down to who can you trust and who do you know that can't be trusted to keep their gob shut about things you tell them in confidence they won't blab it to everyone else. if you're afraid to 'come out' to them as a furry because it will mess things up, DON'T FUCKING DO IT. simple as that. it's why I prefer hanging out and talking with the older gays and lesbians because they know how to have a filter. I sat at dinner last night next to a table of stereotypical twinks who were having a VERY LOUD conversation in a quiet restaurant about how much dick they've sucked in the last week, I mean fucking hell, I'm a pretty kinky dude and like talking about some of that stuff with close friends that have similar interests, but not with an audience of 50+ people including children.

TL;DR you can have some secrets in your life, everyone you know doesn't need to know EVERY LAST DETAIL of your PERSONAL LIFE

 

The Dragon Cave dragons, not real dead things xD

 

spent some time trying to clean up and organize my workbench. didn't get far since it's hard to do that when you don't have any storage space and the rest of the garage is a fucking pigsty from everyone else's junk they haven't even looked at in about 20 years

P.S. oh joy, it seems one of the artists I used to like when, ya' know, they actually made art is having their fifth mental breakdown this weekend and threatening to drink themselves to death, all while making sure to mention their bills coming due directly followed by a link to their patreon and gofundme pages.

 

Ok, that's good.

 

Actually so far I've told some people IMA furry and brony and they have never heard of those terms before. So I educate them the proper way of the fandoms. I do mention the porn/dark side of the fandom but I mostly tell them its about community rather thanfetish.

 

Hey all, man my work place has become quite a hornets nest of sorts for stupid people, it's really bad.

 

...where the hell do you live? There's not a twink here for 100 miles. I'd love to hear something like that, and be like "shut your mouth or I'll plug it", but that's unrelated, and never going to happen cause I have half a brain.

 

about 150 miles north of one of the fastest growing cities in the US with the #1 party school where all the smart enough to get into college yet still pretty dumb kids from Cali and Texas come for cheaper school than the big party school, and since it's summer and it's kind of a small town the rowdy over the top twinks that stay that are always complaining there aren't any big parties here start going WAY over the top on everything. it's like twinks in heat as soon as the summer starts here, and unfortunately I like me some bears that I can nerd out with over engineering shit and tools -_-

 

Well I used to work construction and was in a robotics club. Fly me up there, and we can twinkwatch. Or I can twinkwatch while we talk and you stare at me.

 

Housemates are all drinking downstairs but when I went down there I felt awkward as fuuccck.
and the boyfriend just kept looking at me expectantly. .. like. .. am I meant to talk ? I NEVER TALK.
Seriously feel like the dullest person right now.

Idek maan .

 

Got the 'flavor of the month' with my original/first Vaporfi order. Cotton candy and appletini. Gave it a shot today, not wild about it, tastes a little soapy. Not all that sure what I want to do with it.

Damn tired. Satisfying day overall workwise and other things especially after the migraine went away. Someone needs to get up my ass about drinking water...

 

Woke up from a dream that involved me doing my dream job and absolutely hating it....now I'm sad and confused.

 

So I'm back from the con. It was alright I guess. Not sure if I'll go again next year. The timing is a bit weird and I can't take that much time off at once. Either the date for this con will have to change, or if I happen to miss out on PAX East badges when they go on sale. (both are rumored to be in April next year).

One thing I really hated about it though (and cons in general): Being in a room full of hundreds of people and feeling completely alone. Like I don't belong there. Most of the panels didn't interest me, the ones that did were a clusterfuck and pretty much didn't happen anyway due to various reasons. If it wasn't for the game room, I would have had a terrible time.

 

Two hours of sleep, toothache, jaw hurts, headache.... Still single