Random funny stuff

Dr. House acknowledges the one true god.

 

Saw this in my news feed today.

Never have I laughed so hard, and I'm not even a fan of The Muppets.

 

What is this from???

 

That animation is so adorable.

 

@MurphyAlter no idea it was just on my google+ furry group.

@AkaiKitsune the spanking bit made me giggle.

 

Twerking dog toy.

 

So, funny story, I was just asked by my sister to tell a 13 year old guy where babies come from. His parents never signed the permission slip for the sex ed class I guess, and he was woefully uneducated.

So, I asked if they wanted me to give it to him straight. Answer was yes. My explanation: "Well, a man sticks his penis in a woman's vagina and squirts some sperm in there. The sperm then enters the woman's egg and eventually that turns into a baby." His reaction was something between utter disbelief and sudden clarity. I was asked to explain a little more because he didn't know what certain terms were, so I did. HE was confused because he'd never "peed white" before, and so I had to tell him that it's not really pee, it's more like goo, and it only happens when the penis gets hard. He was even more blown away that penises get hard, and asked how goo could come out if it's thicker. I explained that snot comes out your nose when you sneeze, so it's like your penis is sneezing.

Here I am laughing my ass off at his reactions. Apparently he was previously told that men urinate on cabbages and those cabbages turn into people, but his own private theory was that you just pee in a girl's mouth. Fucking died. Collapsed into a chair, hit my head on the wall, continued laughing my ass off. Managed to get a "no kid, that's watersports" out. Now my sister had a confused expression and I just laughed even harder. Continued for a bit and I guess it must have clicked because my sister was all shocked and said "People do that!?".

Anyway, cooled down and told the kid never to pee in someone's mouth and to keep this information to himself because his parents would probably get pissed that he knows. Still giggling to myself a bit as I write this.

 

I give you credit good sir. I could not have explained that to a teen and not feel awkward. Heck I get embarrassed talking about sex in general.

 

The more up-front you are about it, the less embarrassing it is really. Using allegories and metaphors and generally avoiding saying specific words is just going to make you psyche yourself out.

 

When you put it that way, it indeed is harder to make up things to explain it gently than up front and straight to the point.

 

nonsense dear! Heres one on the fly

The man is the baker and the lady is the oven. He puts his batter inside her and they bake a beautiful baby!

Advanced Course:
Though some times, two chefs will just throw batter on each other and two ovens will rub their hot doors together :B

EDIT: I read the reply wrong, Xeno said the MORE UPFRONT, the less embarrassing. My apologies DX

 

This is why society is messed up. Still, good story.

I just used found out what I was curious about from biology books at 13 and was like "ooohh, okay".

 

Regardless of how you read it, those are great euphemisms.

 

Personally I would have just gone for the light science approach.

"It'll all sound pretty crazy but nature is complicated and weird, so it's pretty normal as you learn more about the world. All the instructions for making a living thing are in a chemical called DNA that's inside every single living thing. Your hair, the colour of your skin, what your face will look like, the colour of your eyes, they're all decided by what your DNA says to do. So when people want to have a baby, they have to put their own unique DNA together, to create a new set of instructions. Half of your DNA comes from your mom, and half of your DNA comes from your dad, and that's why you're a little bit like both of them. Understand?

Many living things put their DNA together by having sex. For humans, that means that a man's penis gets hard and grows bigger, and he puts it inside a woman's vagina. His DNA crosses into the woman's body in white goo called sperm that comes out of his penis. The woman has a tiny cell living inside her called an Egg, which has her own DNA inside it. When sperm finds the egg, they combine their DNA and create a new set of instructions for making a new human being. That eggs starts growing inside the woman's body, and becomes a baby over the next nine months by following the new instructions. Understand that?

There are lots of ways for living things to reproduce themselves, some animals don't have sex at all, and plants get help from bugs like bees, or even the wind to carry their DNA around to other plants. Some animals like humans and dolphins even have sex for fun, even if they're not trying to have a baby. And sometimes people have trouble getting their sperm and egg to work together, so they get help from doctors to put them together. Understand that?

As weird as it all sounds, whether you lay an egg when you're a bird or a reptile or a fish or an insect, or you grow the baby inside the female's body and it comes out of her vagina like what happens for a human, a whale, a dog or a lion, living things always make new living things by following the instructions in the DNA. And sex is how humans combine their DNA."