Hey there!
After I've read about you considering Tucker (which is not the very best for a beginner) Austin came to my mind and I just saw you already mentioned him in your first post. In my opinion Austin is an excellent choice! You just have to be aware of his lenght.
I have a mini one in medium firmness. It's short enough to just barely touch the sigmoid bend (more of a topic for when you really get in touch with anal) but long enough to have fun with it. And because of his knot you can even wear him as a plug. The base is not that massive (especially with a suction cup, mine has one as well) so nobody would notice it under clothes and it doesn't affect daily chores other than being a bit hornier while doing them.
Medium is a good way to go since it is already a little floppy, so I don't want to imagine how floppy a soft one would be. It is just more time consuming getting a soft toy inside your hole than a medium one that knows what it wants.
And medium for sure is forgiving enough, don't worry about it hurting or injuring you.
You seem to be a little bit too scared of damage by doing anal, but as long as you use enough lube and go slow at the beginning, you're good.
You know and will feel what's best for your body.
To conclude, something about your concern about permanent stretching, that's not going to happen.
You're still a beginner who will use small toys. Short after you had your fun your anus will look like you never did anything to it.
I'm in the small toys size range myself and can therefore speak from experience.
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