Random funny stuff

It's a little hard to explain, she got revenge for me accidentally saying something shouldn't have, i didn't expect the picture which she captioned " mr.peanut is angry, so angry"

 

Best Wikipedia disambiguation link ever. (pointed out by @seldo on twitter)

 

I marked the wrong spot. Can I have a do over?

 

Three elderly women are talking about their troubles.

“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said Ruth, the 60-year-old, “You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.”

“Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year-old, Maxine. “When you’re 70, you don’t have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens.”

“Actually,” said Gilda, the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”

“Do you have trouble peeing too?” asked Ruth.

“No, I pee every morning at 6 a.m. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all.”

“Do you have trouble with your bowel movements?” Maxine questioned.

“No, I have one every morning at 6:30 a.m,” Gilda responded.

Puzzled with this, Ruth said, “Let’s get this straight. You pee every morning at 6 a.m. and poop every morning at 6:30 a.m. So what’s so tough about being 80?”

“I don’t wake up until 7.”

 

The cutest disaster ever

 

Poor thing

 

How long does it take the happiest birb to succumb to disaster?

 

Ted Cruz, being 400 delegates behind Donald Trump, announces Carly Fiorina as his running mate. Now that's a good joke.

 

Got sent by a tumblr fan