Dating Advice Thread

Wow that's kinda low not even giving an explanation.

 

While she has a right to feel however she feels, she can't just tell you to fuck off for no reason. That's cruel.

 

I can't agree more.

 

Perhaps she will give you an explanation in due time. Maybe she wasn't mentally prepared to say what was wrong, whatever it was. I don't know, I'm just guessing. Perhaps sleep is the best course of action right now.

 

Man, that really sucks. Sounds like karma will bite her later, though. I'm glad you feel ok and that you got some closure. You likely dodged a bullet.

 

Didn't want to say that her reaction seemed like she was with someone else or had been cheating and decided on ending it rather than getting caught.

But as you said the guy she is with is a tool to women so to speak so yeah karma will have its way with her.

 

Well, sounds like you should buy that guy a drink for saving you even more grief down the road.

 

Does anyone here think it's rushing that, when you meet someone that you think you want to be involved with as far as relationship goes, you end up having sex with them? I've done that twice now, and it's like I'm half guilty, because the first guy went back to base as he's a Marine, and the other guy is actually interested in me but was a bit distant for a few days. i was worried he only wanted sex, as my friend had warned me but was relieved when he texted me.

I am hoping I don't get hurt again. He is interested in hanging out this Sunday but I am telling myself no sex. He mentioned last Monday/Tuesday (which is when I saw him, don't remember what day) that why were we doing this, and sometimes things that start this way (meaning sex) usually revolve around it. I could only tell him that it didn't have to be that way. He also said things happen for a reason, which I do believe.

Any opinions?

 

Well the best way to find out if he is just using you to have sex is to simply just hang out and do something together. If he's not interested in as a person just hanging out with you then he's not worth your time.
Just make an excuse if he try's to push you towards sex.
If he passes the test and contacts you to hangout again it might be worth a shot with him.

 

Well he did end up texting me this morning apologizing for being distant and stuff. And said he probably doesn't have a lot going on Sunday so it's a maybe. If I can get ahold of him tonight I'll ask to see if there's any confirmation we can hang out.

I don't know what I want to do -.- I mean as far as what we should do xD maybe go skiing/snowboarding or hiking. Depending on the weather.

 

I'd still be wary because usually it doesn't take a guy that long to text back unless he's just wanting a quicky.

Well seeing as it the colder months of the year a nice skiing/snowboarding trip together would be a good move and a great way to hang out.

 

Hokay, am I'm being stupid about this or does this just not add up? Emma, girl I've known since 8th grade that I started dating back in November, has suddenly decided she's not in shape for a relationship. She sent me this back on the 22nd:

Her: I can't do this anymore.
Me: Do what?
Her: I can't do this. You and me, I can't.
Me: ...what?
Her: I'm sorry, I don't have enough time to devote to a relationship. Obviously because we barely talk. Much less one where the person I'm seeing is in another state.
Me: ...you're end this because of your work, despite us working around that pretty well and that being a non-issue, at least on my end because we click really well. And over text nonetheless. I don't even know what to say.

Her "we barely talk" bit isn't actually the case, we tend to talk almost every night for at least an hour, but the few days before that she was getting over being sick and quitting smoking and I had caught yet another fucking illness and so we kinda had a dip in talking. So anyways, the day after this she gets in a wreck and totals her car, ends up with some bruising and she's pretty sure a concussion but otherwise she's okay, and after dodging my texts in response the night before looking for an explanation she decided to send me pictures of her car. I initially took this the wrong way, then she explained that she just wanted to let me know and I told I'd be around if she wanted to talk, and then decided to change my mind and sent a poorly worded text that made it seem like I was too pissed about what was going on between us to care about her well being (which I wasn't pissed at all, just more or less lost.) This of course gets a "fuck you" from her, but at least somewhat opened the door for conversation after I apologized, and we talked for a little bit but not about what was going on between us, instead she kinda forced the conversation to be like normal. And then we talked the night after that again for a lengthy period where she was just venting in general and was making it clear that because everything was falling on her at once (trying to get into Wake Tech, having to find a new car, having to add collision to her insurance, having to take care of the ticket she got from the crash, etc.) and so I told her that in regards to me and her it was just a simple matter of if she wants to be with me or not, that I could take care of us as long as she took care of herself, and she told me she loved me and all of that and it seemed like everything had been smoothed over, especially since the next couple nights everything was back to normal.

Nope, got this from her earlier today:

"I'm still standing by what I said. I'm just not in a good position for a relationship atm. I mean, no matter what we talked about that unfortunately doesn't change the shape I'm in."

Now, for some context, because of how long me and her have known each other we've kinda flown through the swing of things and have talked about shit like where we wanted to live, what type of furniture we wanted in our house and possible kid names, you know, long-term type shit, and she had told me she was in love with me not even a week prior to her suddenly deciding she couldn't do this. And I don't buy her reasoning, it just doesn't fit, and I've tried getting her to talk to me about what's actually going on, what's actually bothering her to no avail, so I'm kinda lost as to what I do. I really want her and I was planning on moving back up there by fall of this year, but at the same time with her reasoning it seems like she's trying to imply that our relationship has had a negative impact on her and that I should be moving on, which is just ridiculous to me because she's the one who initiated this, she's the one who came out of nowhere and let me know about her feelings for me and stole a kiss from me and started this whole fucking thing. Ugh, what do I doooooooo.

 

Honestly, I think shes freaking out.
I think you two may have reached a level that shes not ready for yet, hence she's attempting to pause or halt it until she feels "safe" and secure enough to pick it back up

 

That's what my gut is telling me, and I guess that's why I've been fine with giving her the space she wants/needs, but until she conveys that I'm still uncertain. I mean, at one point she tried to explain it as God telling her to go in a different direction, which just kinda left me dumbfounded because she's not really even religious, so I dunno. I guess I'll just tell her tomorrow that I'm not walking away from this until she tells me it's done for good.

 

I can understand if shes afraid to move deeper into the relationship, but you need to ask her in a very direct way if that's the real issue. If I'm right, she'll confess right then and there. She's probably just afraid that you'll break up with her for not being ready to move forward (you'll need to assure her that's not true). However if she says that's not the problem then something is afoot. People don't just wake up and decide to break off a healthy relationship.

 

@Blinding It sounds like she's not sure what she wants on top of what Misskin said. It also sounds like she doesn't really care too much about how you feel in this relationship, and that's not a great sign. You need to make sure she knows how YOU feel about this flip-flopping garbage that seems to be happening all the time, and that you don't appreciate having your feelings played with.

 

True, but, I mean, whaddaya gonna do? You can't force someone to tell you, and you can't punish someone for not being what you want them to be. It sucks, yeah, but that's reality.

 

That's what makes it so difficult. You can't force someone to tell their feelings, because that's wrong, but you can't go ahead and just break off a relationship with no explanation, cause it's also wrong. It's where the person who wants to break off the relationship needs to realize they have an obligation to at least give a good reason.