Dating Advice Thread

Hence why I prefer to sleep alone, or at least in seperate beds.

I'd just enjoy the trip and see where it takes you two. Maybe slightly steer a conversation towards your concern and see what she says. Take no hints, only a solid answer.

 

Yeah, I'm the master of the "wait and see what happens" method.

 

Better safe than sorry in my opinion.

 

I'd ask innocently and sincerely if a cuddle would be appropriate. No reason you can't be friends and enjoy some intimacy. Plus it gives you an opportunity to let more happen if it's possible.

 

That's.... actually pretty smooth and I could slip it in such a way it could be passed off as a joke if unwanted.

 

I dont i think being genuine about your feelings is best

 

Fair point...

MAN I DON'T WANT TO SCREW THIS UP.

 

Murph, the only way this can end badly is if at anytime during this trip you pop a boner in front of her.
I don't know how you've withstood years of pining for this girl and not done anything about it, I certainly would've died after seeing her date someone else. Have you ever even considered that she may not have made a move on you because she thinks you don't like her that way? So here you both are waiting for a day that's not coming because you're both too scared to say anything. During this trip, see how she behaves with/around you. If shes cool enough to change clothes in front of you, then she probably has you firmly lodged in the Little Brother corner. You don't have to do it during the trip, but at some point you really should come clean about your feelings, otherwise your relationship with her isn't built entirely on honesty. Yea she might not feel the same and decide to put some distance between the two of you, but you absolutely have no right to take that choice away from her just because you want to keep her around. Rejection hurts, it hurts a lot, but so does finding out that someone you thought was your friend has been keeping secrets.

 

You'll do fine. I'd start with cuddles. Cuddles can bring up feelings people have buried or forgotten. They'll bring you closer and set a precedent for intimacy you're comfortable with. There doesn't need to be anything else if you can bridge the gap a little bit and find comfort in each other. I've gone on many movie nights with friends just to stay tangled and snuggled on their couch. No pressure, no expectations, just enjoying the physical presence.

 

Okay, so I slipped in a flirt today. I was mentioning she'd get a free shirt if she did something, and said "I think one of the red ones would look good on you." She seemed to receive it well.

I guess the next test would be if she picks the red shirt?

 

H'well... I let it slip that I was interested, and I was turned down.

Based on the hours of totally normal conversation we had after, I think it's safe to say we'll still be friends for a long time.

 

I'm so proud of you man.

 

Honestly I'm relieved. I'm not proud that it took me being drunk off my ass to do it, but hey, whatever works I guess.

 

They don't call it Liquid Courage for nothing, but seriously, I'm proud of you too.

 

Good on ya Murph. Better knowing for sure even if it hurts, than not knowing and letting it haunt you.

On my end, I mentioned a while ago that a girl I've known for a bit and I were going to go on a date over the weekend during one of the conventions in this state. Well, we met up, talked for a couple minutes over lunch before she very excitedly announced she had to run to catch a live peformance of Rocky Horror. Didn't invite me to go, but to be honest I would've been hesitant to as I do not like that show/movie. She didn't text me until maybe a week after, but I'll just put that aside as she's very excited to attend cons so her mind was probably on that. We've casually talked since, but not of her basically ditching me at the con. And just from our previous late night talks, she really doesn't seem like a fit.

At this point, I'm wondering if she's really not interested and that I should cut my losses and either pause on trying to date again, look elsewhere, or wait to see if she's serious about a relationship and let her make a move.

 

That's awfully strange behavior, not quite sure what to make of that...

 

Story of my life.

I seem to attract the weird ones. Or the "normal" ones are either intimidated or scared of me, for whatever reason.

 

Conventions do have a lot of cool stuff going on though. Maybe the kind of girl that has a thousand thoughts running at once and doesn't realize or have the maturity to think of including others.

For me, I hardly realize people would want to join me on my nerd adventures, and was hesitant to bring my current boyfriend to the con I was going to before we started dating. It was mainly because I wanted to do my own thing, but brought him anyway so he'd know what he was getting into.

 

Well, we talked. I don't think its going to work out, so I'm most likely going to break it off soon.

Our whole conversation today was about things that we differ on. Not necessarily interests (which we differ on a lot), but more views on relationships. I brought up the fact that she mentioned she was uncomfortable with sex, and that she'd rather get to know the person before anything like that happened. Which I agree with, I think, even in a FwBs relationship you should get to know the person first. I also mentioned that sex is how I show my feelings for someone, as strange as that is. Its really the only time I can show romantic interest in the other person, to show how much they really mean to me. But I think she took that as me trying to force or push her into having sex with me, which is absolutely not true. She said she wouldn't mind me having sex with others as we're just "casual", in her words, right now, but once and IF we start dating, that she wouldn't be ok with that. I agree on that as well, but I don't think its fair for one person to have to give up something they enjoy just because the other person isn't comfortable or doesn't like it. A relationship isn't about sacrifices, its not a 50/50 thing. Its about compromising to find ways that both parties in the relationship can agree with. At least that's my view of a relationship.

I think that's the major issue we'd have. Other than that, we just have vastly different interests and hobbies. She likes anime and cartoons, I like crime dramas and documentaries. Her hobbies consist of cosplaying (which she asked me to participate in, but I feel like I'd just be an accessory), my hobby is cars and skydiving. She's very shy, reserved, and stingy at times. I'm a sarcastic asshat who likes to tease and joke. Add the fact that she can't seem to hold a conversation. I really can't find any similarities between the two of us. Honestly now that I think about it, I'm not sure what attracted me to her in the first place beside her smile.