Depression and Anxiety Support Thread

I almost never leave my room anymore and just feel like crying all the time. I'm never going to get what I want and be happy, why do I even try; it only frustrates me more. I just can't see any realistic outcome of my life that I am content with and I hate it. I can't stop thinking about hurting or killing myself every day. It hurts to even think about, but only because I know I can't do it. If I were given the option to completely erase every trace and memory of my existence, I'd take it in a heartbeat.

 

Is there anything I can do to help?

 

Not really, I'm just venting. I spend a lot of time alone so I have a lot bottled up.

 

Ah, okay..I know those feelings very well. I tend to bottle things up as well.. If you ever need anything, please let me know.

 

Spoiler

I need a place to vent a bit, can't think of anywhere good to do it so I'll shout into the void.
I feel unwanted. No one actually cares if I'm there or not. I live so far away from my 'friends' that there's no point in me trying to hang out with anyone, they'll just hang out with people that are nearby, those that are convenient for them. I'm not convenient. I went to an overnight party this weekend, brought my Rock Band gear so people could play, went pretty well with some people, those I didn't really know. Saw some of my friends early in the evening. The next morning? "Oh, your still here? we thought you left." as they rush out the door. It's not like I was in the same place all night running the Rock Band set up. They literally couldn't be bothered to walk down some stairs to see if I was still there. Didn't care if I was there or not. These past couple days I've had the house to myself, not that it's worth anything. I have work so my day is spent out all day, I get home and have to deal with other things so by the time I could do something just for me, there isn't enough time in the evening, so I plop down, wasting the little time I do have. Can't invite anybody over cause I have work the next day anyway. Besides, who the fuck would want to drive an hour+ just to see me? I haven't been able to see my master in over a month. Last time I saw him was only because I had to drop something off at his place. He doesn't have time for me anymore. Doesn't even give a reason. "Hey, I have this day off, wanna hang out?" "Eeeehhhhh." That really makes me feel loved. He probably only still tolerates me cause he's gonna be mooching my room at a con soon. Hell, he'll probably run off to some other room parties and I'll be alone all weekend. It's a constant cycle like this with any friends I get. I'm disposable. I'm nothing.

 

I'd totally drive an hour or so to hang out with you, as long as you promise not to make me play rock band. :3

 

no promises

 

So my ex messaged me around at 2 am saying "thank you for all you've done for me, I'm sorry if I've ever disappointed you." It sounded strange so I told him he hasn't disappointed me and asked him to please not do anything crazy. I also sent him a few suicide hotlines.

He got depressed and self harmed when we broke up and I think now things are going bad with his new gf and he's having the same issues. I was there for him at first but he never listened to anything I said and it became so draining. I don't feel comfortable talking to him much anymore because it's always about how sad he is...I feel bad but I just feel there's nothing I can do. I've tried talking to him, helped him pack up his apartment when he moved out, brought him food once, gave him the info of my counselor. Idk what else to do.

 

As I've said before, you've done all you can for him. You're a beautiful person and a great friend, but you can't be a friend to someone who's trying to manipulate you. That's what it sounds like he's doing, very similar to how you've told me he behaved when you were together. It's borderline emotional abuse. He knows what he's doing to you and it's not OK. I don't want to be insensitive if he truly is going through something serious, but you need to tell him how this makes you feel, and continue to encourage him to seek help through other avenues, including ones you've provided.

For your sake, I hope he doesn't do anything crazy. I think I know how it would affect you and I don't want you in that headspace of feeling guilty or responsible for anything that he might do. You've been good to him. He has to figure out how to deal with this in a constructive way. You know I'm always here for you if you need to talk about this or anything else. I love you.

 

According to this I'd make a good dog...or possibly am one. Lol.

 

Triple posting...

I guess I'll go ahead and make my debut on this thread too. I don't usually talk much about things that make me feel depressed. I hate complaining. I have no regrets and am having no second thoughts about my relationship with @Amberina, but LDR is hard. It's harder than I thought it would be. I've actually done it before, but it was only for a year with my last gf. We visited 4 times during that year (alternating) and I don't remember it being all that bad. After that she discovered an interest in culinary and transferred to a school here and we were together until the end a year and a half ago. She was only in New York though, which is just a 4hr bus ride from here. Amberina is only a 4hr plane ride away, but that's considerably more expensive than a bus ticket. So we wouldn't be able to visit each other quite as frequently probably. We are already planning for her to visit me in October, but that'll probably be the last time we see each other this year. Twice a year when you're this far apart isn't too bad I guess. And when I finally have my own apartment again, her coming here will be less expensive. These are the things I think about when the distance gets to me. Sometimes I just want to cry because I can't just reach over and have her be there. Skyping is my favorite way to communicate, but it's also the one that makes me miss her the most. I can see her, close enough to touch, but not actually there.

It actually scares me sometimes how intensely I feel for her. It happened so fast too. I feel a sense of dread sometimes, like maybe it's too good to be true and something bad is going to happen. I honestly have seen that pattern in my life several times. Something good will happen, then something horrible will happen soon after because I'm not allowed to be too happy for too long. Maybe that's the pessimistic way to think of it though. Maybe it's really that the good things are actually following up the bad things. Hard to find the starting point of a circle I guess. Like I've said on a different thread, I've never felt like this before. It's strange and wonderful and terrifying all at once.

 

Amory is right. No matter how much misplaced guilt might tell us otherwise, other people are not our responsibility. You've done a lot and exceeded the definition of being there for him. He needs to take his problems into his own hands and seek the help of professionals who have the tools and are fundamentally committed to helping people in his situation. All anyone else can do, I think you've pretty well done at this point.

 

I'm in a similar situation with Berit. For me the sustaining force on my end is my optimism. I'm already thinking about a future and making plans. Thinking of ways to make her happy and thinking of ways to build a life together. Right now it's about 3-4 visits a year for us. No it's not a lot but it'll be enough. Love will be worth it. Love is always worth it. You can do this and you can get through this. What awaits on the other side is worth the patience. I recommend thinking on that. When it gets hard, think about the future waiting on the other side of the hard stuff. Every visit lays a foundation you can trust. Every plan illuminates whole months of the future. every milestone creates a more perfect union to grow towards. Every night spent together creates trust and loyalty to sustain you.

 

And here I thought I was good with words. That almost made me tear up. Thanks. And we are always talking about future stuff, whether it be adding to the list of things for June or planning for October. We're even comfortable talking about kids and marriage and stuff like that. Nothing super serious, just musing and asking what the other thinks about certain things. Closing the distance comes up in conversations too. So we are generally optimistic about our future together and want to work toward it, but sad days happen. I believe we can make it, and I'm rooting for you guys as well. Such an adorable couple.

 

Thank you, that helped a lot. And thank you for the ldr advice as well. Good luck to you two

 

Having somebody who makes you think about a life together is a rare thing. I've been through 3 major, multi-year relationships and not once did they make me think about how I was going to spend the rest of my life. Suddenly there's something real there I've never seen before. A hope I've never had for good things to come.

As for LDR advice, take time to go on dates by distance. Whether you're watching a movie by syncing your start times and watching while skyping or playing games together or reading to each other at night or sending each other music to make each other happy, whether you're toying on cam for your partner or you're just bugging them with silly photos and facebook messenger videos all day, LDRs just aren't what they used to be. They're so much better now

 

So, I guess I need to post here....since January 29th, 2013....I have lost seven people. All were/are important to my life. All close family and friends. The most recent two being March 25, 2016 and April 1st, 2016. My grandmother and a fellow soldier, respectively. Seven people in three years....and it all takes a toll on someone like me who is very emotionally sensitive to things around me.

 

Just went through a break up. It was pretty bad. I feel absolutely terrible. I went into this relationship knowing it was doomed from the start. I shouldn't have even bothered. Didn't even last two months. None of my relationships do. I'm worthless.

 

Oh please. You've got lots of great qualities. If it was doomed to begin with, don't beat yourself up over a bad breakup.

And I've never even been in a relationship. You're miles ahead of me.