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(For guys) how &when do you tell a date/ gf that you're into...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Fletch, Aug 2, 2019.

  1. Fletch

    Fletch The dude abides

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    As a guy who loves booty play, bad dragon, and other taboo topics, this can be a struggle. I don't wanna waste time on someone who can't accept me, but i don't go around sharing this info with just everyone. So just curious when and how others have done this? And ladies who may be reading, feel free to drop your thoughts on the matter too. I've had girlfriends who thought I'd turn gay on them, ones who were fine without participating, and one who rather enjoyed participating in the act. But it's always a stressful admission
     
  2. Skunkie

    Skunkie Active Member

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    I think it will become easier over time, as more sex-positive younger people replace the older scared cis-types. Backlash will lessen, allies will rise. So im of a mind that thinks hey who cares if I have BD sticker on my truck.
    When I first met my gf of 15 years I was dating two different guys, (I was also high on acid and wearing her school uniform skirt) so me broaching any subject, regardless of her interest level is never met with derision. The differences and honesty, including taking bigger dicks than her, and being loyal; are what appeals to her. Never has she worried id turn gay...(I mean no offense to my gay family, but that's to narrow for me anyhow), that's a sign of the other partner's insecurity. She is not specifically interested in playing with me, I don't mind. But she recognizes my needs and can even tell when I need a good play sesh.

    Tl;dr: be yourself, be honest, trust your instincts on how to broach the subject, prepare for the worst hope for the best, and eventually you will find the partner for you! ^.^
     
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  3. C_raptor

    C_raptor Member

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    I find my wife has a hard time with it even now after a few years. When I first told her (when we first started dating) she seemed okay with it, we were crazy in love so even a box of Dildos wasn't going to stop her haha
    But I was terrified of scaring her off. It took a lot of guts for me to tell her, but she accepted that it was a hobby of mine. I think her biggest concern was that I was secretly gay and would maybe leave her. Obviously I made that pretty clear that I wasnt which is kinda hard with a closet full of Dildos but I think what she doesn't like about it is how intimating it is. She deep down feels like she can't please me in the bedroom which is ridiculous, so I decided to just do it in my spare time so she doesn't have to think about it. Maybe one day we will explore into more together but for now I'm just enjoying it on the side.
     
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  4. Fletch

    Fletch The dude abides

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    C-raptor... that is the same approach I've pretty much used in the past. Make it known, open to help, but fine with doing it on my own time. Figured it might get tougher now that I own a unicorn horn and a horse-dog (tucker)
     
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  5. C_raptor

    C_raptor Member

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    Don't get me wrong it's not easy telling someone you have feelings for something like this. Yeah it is weird to someone who doesn't do it , but damnit it feels great haha like how do you explain that to someone? I try say it's kind of like another form of maturation/self pleasuring. I don't know I'm still trying to convince her 100% to not be weird about it haha
     
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  6. grigori

    grigori Member

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    I took almost 6 months of dating to tell my ex-gf I was into it. I hinted before but she never understood until I actually showed the toys... They are almost all XLs so she was kind of confused on how one would use those. At first as I explained she was fine and positive about it, but for some reason she decided to google porn on it by herself. And only god knows what she saw, she never described it to me. She expressed concern and was very reticent after that, not wanting to take part or talk about it. In the end nearly a year later we broke up but it was never brought as reason for the breakup.

    So yeah.. it is always stressful, but is now part of me and my sexual well being. If I ever went on another relationship I think I will bring it sooner, it depends on the relationship development speed, which varies, but as you said: I can't be on a relationship where my partner does not accept how I am.
     
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  7. RearBear

    RearBear Member

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    Hey guys,
    I just signed in to The Dragon Hoard so this is my first post, but I think this topic is really interesting and I'd like to revive it.
    My girlfriend for 3 years knows about me being into butt stuff and that I tried it on myself as well.
    But that's it. She wouldn't want to try it on me I think (which wouldn't be too bad as I prefer to do it when I'm alone) and doesn't know about my (yet kinda small) collection of toys. I just got my first BD (so happy), a M/M Mad Cat Diego.
    For now that we don't live together, it's no big deal, but when we turn in together it would be hard to hide and I don't really want to hide it.
    She also asked me before if I was possibly gay (which I am not) but she already realised that you don't need to be gay to be into butt stuff.
    Still I don't really know how to bring it to her. Maybe time will show.
     
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  8. Fletch

    Fletch The dude abides

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    I've had pretty mixed results. Had a gf who i told only to find out that she was really into pegging after she tried it. She wanted to do it all the time. Also had girls think i must be gay... but only for dragons if so
     
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  9. RearBear

    RearBear Member

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    We have some "usual" toys already so I can tell she is not into pegging... But like I said: I don't mind yet, like to play with my toys by myself for now haha.
    If she just accepts it I'm fine
     
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  10. Fletch

    Fletch The dude abides

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    That is all one can really ask for
     
  11. C_raptor

    C_raptor Member

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    I find for my lady (who is now my wife) just pretends it doesn't exist. She feels really intimidated by it so i have my dildo bins where she doesn't see them all the time. I think in time she will get more comfortable with it but for now i do it on my own time which i kinda prefer anyway. Would hate to make her feel uncomfortable or not good enough y'know? I was actually going to get rid of them but she has been getting lil more freaky in the bed so im holding on to them and hoping for now haha
     
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  12. RearBear

    RearBear Member

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    Hahaha your "lil more freaky in the bad" really got me, because it's what happened to my girl lately, too.
    We tried out some new things she was somehow sceptical towards to before and I loved her quiet "Well.. to be honest... this really made me wet...." afterwards. Like I didn't notice haha.
    I bought some things before I never unboxed, because I already thought we'd never use them. And suddenly...
    Well we'll see.
     
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  13. Leopardfurred

    Leopardfurred Wild and Untamed Thing

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    I used to naturally attract the kind of weird women that were open to unorthodox sex. And then I moved to rural America. I used to have a profile on Collarme, then FetLife where I found play partners, but no LT relationships. It seems it’s one way or the other for me... I’ve also gotten the “maybe you’re gay” talk too—which was pretty insulting. I’ve been reticent ever since to pursue LT relationships...
     
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  14. Celionism

    Celionism Definitely not experienced

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    I've had a girlfriend for almost 3 years and good advice is to find a girl who has pretty bad kinks (rape play/ age play for example) and if she likes that stuff there's no way she won't go into more taboo areas in terms of sexual activities. You just have to be a good corruptor, if shes into that (which most girls like the type I'm talking about are) just make sure you have her full consent. Hope this sheds some light
     
  15. Celionism

    Celionism Definitely not experienced

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    Clarification: I am not into butt play, but stuff like that is a lot easier to throw on people when they're more open. Stay positive, kings
     
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  16. Celionism

    Celionism Definitely not experienced

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    without capitalism the horse cock silicone dildo we so very love would never be real, that's just how it works
     
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  17. Celionism

    Celionism Definitely not experienced

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    Oh wow, that was something else, we went from ass play to political scheming and the world of the unknown social construct. But now that that's over, time to talk about ass. Do cheeks matter? Is it just the hole that brings one pleasure so many questions so little time
     
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  18. Leopardfurred

    Leopardfurred Wild and Untamed Thing

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    Cheeks definitely matter. Shape and ripple are very important.
     
  19. Celionism

    Celionism Definitely not experienced

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    I feel that, I don't really like anal just because my family has a long history of colon problems and anal fissures, I try to stay away from things thay may hurt me, I even take flax to stop stuff like that from happening.
     
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  20. Celionism

    Celionism Definitely not experienced

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    You are on the path of righteousness, excellent answer
     

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