The Coming Out Thread

For those of you that have come to terms with your sexuality, let's hear your stories. I don't want to just limit this to those who have came out though. Whether you're partially out to a close friend or not sure how to tell anyone, let us know how you feel.

*Edit*
If you feel that anything should be added let me know.

 

I only recently came out back in May. I was just so tired to living a lie, pretending to be someone I'm not. In the weeks leading up to my coming out I just couldn't stop thinking about it. The thoughts just ate away at me and I had to do something about it. One night after work I sat down and wrote a Facebook post expressing my feelings. It seems like it took forever to post after I was done writing. Once I finally did I just broke down crying. At first I regretted it but then the likes and comments started to pour in from friends and family. Nothing but support and positive comments. My best friend who doesn't have Facebook calls me 10 minutes later asking if it was true(I'm friends with his boss on FB and he told him. I had planned on telling him in person). He gave his support, I couldn't stop crying the whole time. I didn't have to hide who I really was anymore. I didn't have to live in fear of someone finding out my secret I had kept hidden for so long. A huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My FB post:

 

Thats beautiful hybrid, im so proud that you were well received ; u ;

 

Started out with porn when I was 12, for whatever reason, as soon as I had figured out how easy it was to find pictures, I was looking for big cocks. I was curious and had no intentions or desires other than to look at them. Fast forward 10 years or so and I've been dating girls for about 5 years. In that time I'd had two relationships that were painful and costly and I was still stuck in the second one, even though she was now 18 hours away at school.

So I had a lot of time to myself, and the big cocks were still my favourite porn element. I had even moved forward a little to watching some actual gay porn instead of just looking at pictures or straight porn. I was reading some smut here and there and just sort of skimming over the actual gay stuff. I was interested in cocks, nothing else. I joined furaffinity in 2012, as I had started to find that furry artists were the BEST at big cocks and had even invented universal terms for different sizes. Enter the story Geno-type.

Geno-type is a story about a couple of highschoolers who start experiencing cock growth of epic proportions. It caught my eye because the characters are humans. They fall in love. I came for the cocks and suddenly I'm reading about a pair of lovers. I am reading about standing up for each other in front of bullies. I am reading about coming out to each others' parents. I am suddenly, for the first time, really engaging the concept of gay romance, gay intimacy, and the gay lifestyle. And I am struck by how natural it feels. I am blown away by what I have been missing all these years. The little snippets of gay porn I'd exposed myself to were entirely devoid of the stuff this story was made of. I am suddenly, unabashedly, okay with gay romance.

And worse, I'm suddenly wanting it. Suddenly, boys I thought were cute pop back into my head after being instantly buried over the last 10 years. I am suddenly ashamed to have hidden from a part of myself for a decade. I am suddenly mourning the 10 years of life I could have lived in the full scope of my personality. I am suddenly profoundly aware that pandora's box is open and the only thing that came out was half of my sexual and romantic identity.

I befriended the author and spent a lot of time talking in the community. I started with terms and phrases like "...not the straightest of guys..." and was quickly working my way up to "bisexual." I spent a lot of time figuring out what I wanted, and came out to my best friend. I dreaded what she and I both agreed was best. I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 3 years, under the legitimate pretense that our schooling was only going to keep us apart the next few years and we hadn't been happy in a long time. Soon we got to talking and I broke down in tears, telling her the truth. Things between us would be complicated for a while. She came to visit me and we had sex we shouldn't have had. There was a lot of crying and many hours of phone calls. She helped me find LGBT forums to help me sort things out. She swapped back and forth between telling me she couldn't talk to me any more and calling me to talk about boys who were giving her the runaround. I did everything in my power to be a better friend than I was a boyfriend. In the end, we're still friends, two years later. We don't talk as often but that's because she's engaged and working a career-type job.

I organized a few dates and started going out to see guys. There were four dates in a week and literally every experience I have had with men took place then. I made physical advances that were unimaginably braver than anything I'd done with girls.

-I left my family in a nearby city to meet up with one prospect I met online, and with him I had a dinner date, my first physical contact with a guy, my first kiss, and even my first blowjob (HUGE COCK, dream come true).
-I got addresses and a phone number and job title and gave them to a friend for safe keeping, before taking trains and buses out of town for a night-and-morning with a guy almost twice my age (bodybuilder, hung, dream come doubly true).
-I bumped into an old friend-of-a-friend on facebook and discovered him to be bot gay and HOT, I spent an evening with him in his bed, watching movies, telling stories, laughing, kissing, and learning how much in the moment, chemistry overpowers the importance of compatibility (way out of my league and also a big stoner, ew).
-I set up a museum date with a nerd, and we spent the whole couple hours just ranting and gushing together about latin, flora and fauna, gems, rocks, and ecology. In the end he got so horny we left early and I gave him (with his deep fears about premature ejaculation) the longest and most edgingly-fantastic blowjob he'd ever had in his life. His was the first foreskin I'd ever seen and I spent hours of our weekend together mastering it. That nerd would go on to be my boyfriend after a few more dates.

When the dates were done, I came out to my mom, who was fine with it and cautioned me about going on dates with strangers. I came out to my friends, all of whom more or less replied "I could have told you that." I came out to my dad who was awkward bu accepting. I came out to the girl I had been in love with for years who, true to her wonderful nature, was extremely excited and proud of me. I came out to strangers. I came out to teachers. I came out to coworkers, employers, and anyone who needed to know. That's the thing they don't tell you about coming out, it's not a singular act, it's something you do constantly, whenever you need to. Customers at my job know I have a boyfriend. My bus driver in my home town knows I have a boyfriend. It's a miracle that I live in Canada where I have yet to see a single negative reaction in two years of outing myself.

Never mind the fact that I'm bi and have to remind people that it's different from gay. That's another matter.

 

Thanks, that means a lot. Even posting this caused me to tear up a bit.

 

I wish my sister had received that same comfort. My parents refuse to acknowledge that part of herself and are not very supportive of her wife and child

 

That was a wonderful story. I'm happy things went so smooth with your family and friends.

That's a shame. I couldn't imagine denying support your own child.

 

@Exeter
that story was better than some movies ive seen

 

the thing is they love my sis and the baby, but they act in a very detached manner to her mother (my sisters wife). In my eyes if you don't support them as a whole then you're not really supporting

 

You're right on that one. Love isn't piecemeal, it's not a 66% offer.

Oh I wouldn't say that.... But thank you :3

 

That's so great, Exeter. I wish everyone could have such an amazing experience when they come out.

 

It's different for me because there's 2 different coming outs. One was my transsexualism and the other was my... alternative lifestyle. I saw alternative for 2 reasons: 1) When you are between genders the definitions of gay and straight stop applying... some peopke will see you as male, some as female despite how you may look. 2) I don't think I'm bi, nor pan,,, but I use those for sake of simplicity from people who wouldn't understand that I'm just attracted to sex itself.
Coming out as trans... well, that's too complicated and can't even remember all the details. It was an extremely rocky months without giving them all the details. Might've been slightly simpler to rip it off like band-aid... in which case my father would've sent me to counseling and wouly try everything to "stop" it. I'd eventually have to move out. I moved out anyway.

As for orientation, I don't really know what my family knows any more (which consists of my father and sister now). I've dated men, women and other transsexuals. My father thought I was only interested in males (unfortunately he calls every transsexual a guy so it's the same to him)... but that wouldn't explain why I dated (and lived) with a lesbian. He doesn't bring it up and neither do I... because it's none of his goddamn business who I like. Not living a lie, he doesn't need to or want to know.

 

I used to exclusively date girls because I had a bad thing happen to me when I was 14 years old and on a vacation in Arizona.
Basically, it scarred me for a long time, I was afraid of anyone with a penis lol.

My first relationship with a girl...my mom just thought we were friends...even though she would sleep over a lot and even in the same bed as me ... >>

When I did eventually tell her, she was not happy about it at all. Called me a disgrace to the family, and said that everyone would disown me if they knew so I wasn't allowed to tell anyone else. Obviously, this pissed off my girlfriend, and she started seeing other people. I was distraught over it for a very long time, since I had been with her for like 2 and a half years at that point. She used to cheat on me though...but she never lied about it, so I constantly made excuses for her and was seemingly okay about it.

Ever since I found Bad Dragon, and got my first toy, I've largely overcome my fear of penetration that was instilled in me from that trip in Arizona. I also met my current boyfriend who took things very slow at first because he understood. He's never lied to me or cheated on me, and I am so happy to finally feel secure in a relationship <3

I still find girls very attractive, and I still love vaginas, but I would consider myself to be bisexual or pansexual.

 

@Willow @Vitani Thanks for sharing

 

I'll never understand how parents couldbe anything but appreciative that their children elect to be honest with them....
And I'll never understand how someone can abandon somebody they care about because their family isn't accepting. That's when the person is needed the most....

 

It is really good to hear about any family that is accepting of what ever their young decide they are inside.
I was raised to be accepting myself, though it may have been different for those in the the family itself however.

Before I talk about myself, I'm going to tell about a close friend I lost earlier this year. I met Shawn about 15 years ago, when he started work as a glazier for our shop, learning the ropes as he went. He was a good and dependable worker, and he soon became an asset to our workforce. Three months latter he started to show up late, and was often unwashed when he showed up for work. I took it upon myself to ask him what was going on. I found out that 6 months prior, he was kicked out of his parents home for admitting he was bi to his parents. They basically told him to change or leave, so he left, never to see them again. He had moved into a rental house with some high school friends, but the responsibility proved to much for most of them, and were kicked out of the rental. So not knowing who to turn to, he tried living out of his car, thus his problem showing up for work. I didn't want to lose his help at work, and I was needing someone to help with my living expenses too, so I took him in.
EDIT: Even up to the time Shawn was in the hospital dieing, needing only the permission of family to allow a procedure to save his life, his parents continued to hate him for his choice in life. They wouldn't even lift a finger and give the OK, even when I asked them in person. They simply called me a fag lover and slammed the door in my face. I will always hate them for that, as long as I live.


As for me, I questioned myself about what I was sexually attracted to, as early as jr. high school. My girlfriend at the time really helped me out with it, though I was still very uncomfortable about my attraction to males. About the time I started to get curious about it, people started to hear about AIDS, and needless to say my curiosity turned to fear. For years, I was afraid to even date, be it male or female, though I was strongly bi at the time.
Twenty years ago I met my fiancee, and moved to Las Vegas, a great but short lived time in my life. It was shortly after I lost her that Shawn came into my life, and I had my first real interaction with a male. If it wasn't for him, I might not ever have known what I was missing, not to mention he was the one who got me back to living life again after losing my fiancee.
I did date another woman after that, for a couple years, but as of two years ago, I decided that I only want guys now.
As far as being out, I'm sure my dad and stepmother already know, but it is something they would rather not talk about. So we don't, but I know they still love me. As far as everyone else that matters, they already know now, and it doesn't matter at all to them. I'm still the same person I have always been.

 

Well, I really can't say I've officially come out… really been thinking about it recently, but figured I'd like to find someone to date first. Interestingly enough though, while rather drunk, I told my live-in landlord and his girlfriend… They were actually rather flattered that I told them. Those are the only people that have any permanence in my life that know that I'm gay.

I really have no idea how it will be received when I do tell my friends and family…

 

There's never been anybody who's given enough of a shit about me to be concerned about who I have sex with, and nobody I've ever given a shit about enough to be concerned with hiding it from them. So it's never really been a secret. Guess I dodged a bullet on the whole coming out thing lol.

 

Well, here comes the depressing one, I guess, after reading all of your posts.

I'll tell you what my family is like first so you'll sort of understand how bad it got at points: My mom and dad are extremely traditional, old school Pentecostals. They go to church on Wednesdays, Sundays, and any other time they can. And they're the kind of parents that have the "I'm right, you're wrong, period" parenting style. I'm the oldest child of two, and I was always the... "good" kid, I guess I should say. My dad was in the armed services for, like, 24 years total, and he's a very angry person. I mean, this guy can get mad just if you say or do something he doesn't like. Very short fuse, very violent temper. And he yells, quite a lot. My mom has the more cold anger. She's quiet, and sort of makes you know that she disapproves of things without being up front about it, usually. And pretty much, I grew up like that. Always trying to be the good kid, always staying off by myself and trying not to talk to them too much, always sort of the loner kid, even in school.

And I knew I was gay around 8-9 years old. I also knew I couldn't say anything about it to them, as being the inquisitive, brainy kid, I learned very quickly what they believed/thought and what everything was about. So I lived in partial fear of them and how they might react... for years.

Around the age of 12, I started experimenting a little, you know, those little kid romances that seem so important and you try to keep everything secret cause it's all crazy and stuff. Well, "experimenting" got me in some trouble around the age of 14, as my boyfriend's parents totally flipped out on me, and he blamed it all on me. So he broke up with me, and he was pretty mean about it, and I went into one of my most depressive periods in life. I didn't have any drive or focus, I didn't care about anything, and so on. I thought about suicide a lot. I mean, I was 14. I pretty much believed my parents hated me, and I could never tell anyone about myself. I'd been harshly dumped by my first "real" boyfriend, and it just felt like the world was wrong and upside down and I didn't know what to think anymore. So then, to make it even worse, there was a younger boy on the bus who would like, crawl under the seats and stuff, and he decided one day to crawl up in my seat (I was on the inside, and he sat on the outside, by the aisle) and started stripping down. So, not wanting him to get in trouble, I reached over and started trying to tug his pants back on and stuff. He had a fit, and brought everyone's attention my way... and pretty much the way the camera caught it, the school and the boy's parents pressed charges on me.

So then, on top of severe depression, suicidal thoughts, self esteem issues, and a ton of my other fucked up shit, I was sent to an inpatient facility at the age of 14 for sexual behavior therapy. And I was there for a whole year. Around halfway through, I decided to try and be brave about it, and I came out for the first time as bisexual (cause you know, I thought they wouldn't react as badly as if I said I was gay). That really didn't go well, my parents freaked out, and it was just a bad deal. So I let it go, I basically stopped talking to them at all after that point beyond small, meaningless conversations, for quite some time.

Fast forward a bit, I was back home, back in school, and everything was going... as life goes, I guess. I think my parents sort of thought it was a phase at that point. Anyways, I had two boyfriends during the next year or two. The second was... more of a "real" relationship. As in, I saw him in person, we actually had something going, no matter how... screwed up it was. I'm not even going to go into how much this kid screwed with me and used me. I mean, he pretty much had me wrapped around his finger because I was too scared to let go and break up him or tell him how I felt about things. So we had sex, as I'd finally gotten my drivers license (age 16 now), and guess who found a condom package in the floorboard of the car? My mom.

So at the same time, I'd been getting a little more confident in myself, I'd started being a bit more brash on facebook and stuff. And also around this time I'd become a Christian, and now I was dealing with issues along the lines of sexuality and faith and all that jazz. So I'd been reading and going through a lot of stuff from this Christian organization called Gay Christian Network (or GCN). And I'd accidentally posted a link, and it turns out my mom basically stalks my facebook. Like, she has it set up to where she could see everything I liked, commented on, etc.

So both of those things together, she confronted me the next night, and I got really frustrated after an hour or two of arguing and finally just flat out told her I was gay. She turned white like she'd seen a ghost, and got all quiet and super serious, and she cried a little bit. So then she gets out a cigarette (she's a really bad smoker, like 2 packs a day) and looks at me and, no shit, says "I wish God would've taken me home years ago if I'd known I was going to have a gay son" Basically, after some conversation, it all mounted up to "I wish I'd died rather than have a gay son." I got seriously pissed, and flat out stopped communicating for a few days there. I got grounded, was isolated from my friends, from the internet, etc.. so I started cutting again, it was just a bad deal.

So then, I'm still going to church and all that, and after a few months it died down again. I was mainly just not saying anything to keep from causing further issue. We'd talked a few times, and my mom tried to take back what she'd said to a point. She's still very, very stuck back in her beliefs, so I mean, there wasn't much to talk about. My dad still didn't know at this point, and I think after a bit mom just put it out of her mind, tried to forget about it.

And now it comes up to this year, back in what, February, I think. Basically, I was openly posting about stuff on facebook now, I'd be out at school for a little over a year, and I was just getting really, really tired of my family and how everything was going. I mean, I was 17 and I was still being treated like a little kid. I couldn't go see my friends because of money or because of this or that or whatever, most of the time my parents didn't like my friends because I hung out with the emo crowd, and the girls, and non-Christian people. They didn't want me going over to those peoples houses, for whatever reasons. And I still had little to no decision in my clothing, I couldn't express myself at home, etc.

So my dad finally touched the computer for once in his life (he rarely ever gets on the computer) and was on facebook. Usually he just posts about whatever random stuff, and gets off of it and whatever. But this time he actually took time to look at my facebook. And boy was he pissed. He came in my room at full rant, preaching and so on about how it's wrong to be gay and all that stuff. After a minute he calmed down, and asked me if it was true, if I was gay, and so on. And I flat out told him, yeah I'm gay. Whatever.

So then three weeks of almost non stop arguing and being preached at go by, and my mom finally talked him down I think. I mean, it was so bad that sometimes I couldn't even come out of my room without getting into a full out argument with him. She just sort of kept out of it and stayed off to the side. At this point, I'd been grounded again, they'd taken all of my electronics except for my phone (which I'd paid for with my own money, thank God, so they weren't gonna touch that thing, as far as I was concerned). I finished out school, went to prom single and all that.

Thing about prom through... you see, with everything I've been through, I don't open up physically with my emotions. I keep everything bottled up. I mean, it's so bad that I can be so sad I want to cry, and I can't. It pisses me off sometimes, because there are times when I'm really depressed or stressed or sad, and I'd love to cry just to let it go, but I've got so many walls up and stuff, I almost literally can't let myself cry. So I was sitting at prom, I'd said hi to my girl friends, and eventually a few of them pulled me out to dance and stuff. It was like halfway through prom, and I remember my friend David walking up and going, "I'm sorry prom sucks so badly for you. I know I can't help much, but... would you like to dance with me?"

It was the sweetest thing in the world. This straight guy cared so much about how hurt I was inside, and he literally took my hand and started dancing a slow dance with me. I bawled my eyes out. Like, I was crying so hard I couldn't breath. That was the first time I'd cried in like, 2 or 3 years. And the only time I've cried since was like, at military training.

So anyways, my senior year kind of made everything worth it because I realized there were people out in the world who still loved me and were my friends, and I had that awesome, sweet adorable prom moment that just capped it all off.

Currently, I'm waiting to get to college, and my parents are still... them. So I mean, we're not on really good terms, and we argue sometimes, but I think they've come to acknowledge that I am gay, even if they don't agree with it or they... whatever. I'm just trying, for now, to keep the tension down until I leave... and that's what makes me sad right now. I mean... when I leave, I'm not sure how much I'll see them again.

Don't get me wrong, even after all they've done and all that, I love my parents. And I know, in their own way, they love me. They just don't express it well a lot of the time, and especially when anyone mentions or brings their attention back to the fact that I'm gay. I just... I don't know how I can keep them in my life when they're against such a big part of it. I don't know how I can stay somewhat close to them if they're not going to be there when I get married, or for me to bring my boyfriend home to greet them and so on. I'm never going to have that experience. And it makes me so sad.

And a lot of times... well, I'm a Christian too, so I've had a lot of thought and process in my walk to figure out my beliefs and stuff. And there's the whole struggle with the church and homosexuality and all these other related issues. And all that sort of hurts me and makes me depressed and all that too.

Anyways, that was my coming out experience... at least, a brief summary of it. Sorry for.. being depressing, I guess. And now, I'm tired, and I'm going to bed. So I hope someone got something from that, or someone can relate to that, and know that they're not alone. Cause that shit sucked. Well, goodnight everyone.

 

Oh and I forgot to add, WE DID NOT HAVE SEX IN THE CAR. I just dropped one of the packages in the floorboard by accident lol XD