Dating Advice Thread

In my opinion, just keep the faith until you see him again. It will mean a lot to him that you're willing to put up with him being gone so much, and still stay totally devoted. Loyalty is a huge point in the military, so I'm sure he'll understand the value of it. :3

 

I hope so. My friend at work says if he didn't appreciate it shed punch him lol. But I feel like I need to tell him how much it bothers me. Again, I feel very insecure at times

 

Its his second tour

 

Just a sort of general relevance post: this article actually helped me realize a lot of things. Don't waste time on anything less than amazing. http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes/

 

I've been interested in dating again. I however, have no idea where to start.

Or if anyone should consider dating me.

 

Why shouldn't they?

 

Why shouldn't they?

Dude, I have imposter syndrome hard. I worry every date that my date is going to figure out that I'm secretly an asshole underneath it all, incompetent in bed and awkward in real life. I start to wonder if my date is a quality person, or if I should be suspicious of their motives because, well, they couldn't really like a person like me. Nobody should like a person like me. I'm all sorts of fucked up and borken.

Yet, once in a while, I figure out that I'm doing better than half the men out there. On a scale from Hitler to Buddha, I'm doing okay. I haven't killed anyone, I'm kind to children and small animals, I'm holding down a successful job and have a decent social life. I'm still trying to figure out how to interact with ordinary human beings, but I've discovered that I don't date ordinary human beings.

Last week my girlfriend told me she loved me. I have no idea how to respond.

 

I have no idea how to interact with others so I don't bother. But if your experience I say jump back on the dating horse.

 

I have never dated or tried to date any one yet. I have no idea where to meet anyone. I have no idea what to do on a date or how to even ask someone out. I know how to deal with people and talk to them and whatever else. But, I'm also kinda scared of getting involved with someone, with no good reason either. Any time my coworkers or anyone else talks about dating or how cute some girl is or just about having sex I just feel really uncomfortable for some reason and just stay silent. From what I've been told I could be a good boyfriend but I can't say that for certain.

So yeah, I know nothing.

 

Same ride then my friend.

 

Actually now that I think of it I do have a reason to be scared:
How many people my age are there that know as little as I do about dating? How many of them would be ok dealing with me having no idea? Then how many have similar interests to me?

My ideal situation would be to find another PC nerd that's as ignorant as I am (or close) and then just sorta hang out a lot. I mean isn't that what dating really boils down to? Just two really close friends that have done the do at some point and occasionally smash faces together? I guess that's my real hang up, where does friendship stop and dating start? I've been out to do stuff with friends before but was that a date per se? I've even grabbed one of my best friend's ass one time and he squeezed back, does that mean it was a date? Probably not, but I sure enjoyed it

Also I'm still sorta scared/weirded out by sex in general, but I've come to the conclusion my hang up with that is the entire 'with another person' part. Social anxiety is a bitch!

 

Dating to me means when a friendship goes to the more intimate physical stage. Anything before that is just best buds hanging out and enjoying each other's company.
But that's my view on things. As for me I also have social anxieties so my view is just a theory.

 

Dude, you're 20. Nobody 20 years old knows how to date, or have sex, or any of that stuff. It takes time and experience, and a willingness to try and try again. You're at the age where you're supposed to move to the big city, get a shitty job and a shittier apartment, find out where other people like you hang out, and go there and make friends and, eventually, have sex with a few of them until you figure out who you are and what you like and then, maybe, move on to the finding-a-mate stage.

As for beginners, well, lots of people love beginners. I love beginners. I get to see the joy on their faces as they discover new things about themselves, and about their bodies, and about sex, and vulnerability, and trust, and all that, and it's unimaginably awesome to have some give you the gift of their trust and pleasure like that. Seriously. Sex is like anything else: if you're going to get good at it, read a few reliable books (I strongly recommend The Guide To Getting It On from Goofy Foot Press; best sex manual ever, and I trust Paul's advice), make a few lists, find someone you like and trust who's at best highly experienced or at least not an idiot (if the latter, make sure he/she reads the book too!), and go play. With the lights on, low but on. In your own bedroom. When you have plenty of time to play.

 

As for me, I have the opposite problem. I have a lovely girlfriend and we've been dating for a few months, and the other day she said, "I'm falling in love with you."

And I couldn't bring myself to say it back. I want to, I do! But I had a really horrible breakup many years ago, and that word was so much a part of it, because both of us thought it meant something different, and these days I'm really fucking paranoid about using it again. But, wow, she's beautiful, she's smart, she's hella sexy and non-stop in bed. We both agree that living together, we'd probably kill one another and the house would fall apart. But, "love," I mean... I can see it.

The best I could do was tell her I trusted her.

That's what a scarred heart looks like.

Fuck.

 

I got in a really bad argument with my bf last night, I haven't seen him yet today but he should be home in like an hour now. I'm paranoid he's still gonna be mad at me. (◡﹏◡✿)

 

soooooo I totally recommend reading The Ethical Slut
even if you're monogamous, the section on jealousy is very useful

 

Well I may aswell post on here too -_-

Gf of 2 years decided to break up with me (we were in relationship coinciling) but she's got major annoyed because when she was depressed I didn't hug her and she says she told me but I still didn't and saying I didn't support her.

But my argument is that it's hard to support someone that comes back from work everyday In a shitty mood then her main response was Meh then when I ask what up just mainly get nout/nothing back.. I never got let in to know what was up.
She then got diagnosed with cyclokocyenia (step down from bi-polar) I asked about it and she gave a very generall vauge description then got pissy when I miss interpretated her.

I'm. Not particularly great at romantic gestures and getting the jist of stuff body language wise n socially due to asperges.

Took me a while to get used to doing housework ext as lived with parents for years.

On her side as well she didn't help with my anxiety by when she went our drinking I asked her for a time and some texts (this was reccomended by a previous councilor) but when I got annoyed when this didn't happen I was wrong as "she was out having a good time and didn't want to check her phone every 2 seconds"

That's all I can remember at the moment

 

A lot of reasons, but the main reason is because I'm an asshole once you get to know me.

I can't just love someone, I need to have a very deep connection with someone. Otherwise I want nothing to do with them. I also have a very hard time trusting people, even if they're the nicest out there.

 

I'm...absolutely terrified of dating but I really don't want to be alone anymore. I'm so scared I'll say the wrong things (like I tend to do I guess) or people will shy away from me because of my bipolar and depression (medicated but if i go an hour late i get in the shittiest mood ever, also deal with PTSD and DID too) and after my last serious relationship I'm so horrifically broken that nearly 2 years later, I still shake and go into a panic attack hearing their name. They've made me very hard to trust people and I'm scared the same thing will happen again.

I know I fucked up a lot in my last relationship. Like a lot. But I wasn't fully in control of myself because of so many reasons. I had no idea what was wrong with me, a lot of pieces during that relationship are fuzzy or just plain missing time from it, my mood swings were awful and I didn't know how to react to everything that was happening around me. I constantly beat myself up over this even though I know I wasn't even close to being in the right place of mind. Of course I was also dealing with someone about 10x worse than I was and she fucked up a lot too but more recently I'm realizing how shitty of a human being I was and I probably do deserve to be alone.

Don't know where I should even start trying to look for someone but I don't want my one friend to stop talking to me because I feel she does have feelings for me but idk and I don't want to ruin the friendship we have. I'm so closed off and too afraid to go to any clubs. I don't talk at all in college and I certainly didn't talk much in high school (i've been selectively mute since I was very little, it makes communicating hard for me). Dating sites are a huge no go for me because of this one chick I met and dated briefly was...well after 3 days she said i love you to me and constantly would post pictures of her cutting herself on tumblr so i ran super far away. And then the next person talked crap about me behind my back so...yea.

I need all the advice I can get hahaha *curls up in the corner*

 

This is what she text my mum but I've said my side on here I think

Hi (uk2008) had the below text off (my x) have a read I think it says a lot xx. I thought I'd let you know that (uk) not telling you everything. Basically I've been depressed the last few weeks and I've been wanting some sort of support or even just a hug from (uk) . He's not bothered with me. I've told him he's doing wrong and o just need something from him so I feel more secure or something but he hasn't taken any notice. I begged him for some sort of human contact (not sex because he seems to think that's all that's needed) and he just replied "I don't do hugs". The only time we hug is if he's depressed and he asks me for one. But he won't reciprocate. I've told him time and time again where he's going wrong but he doesn't seem to care. Even the counsellor at Relate said the same thing as me. He's not making me feel at all loved. And on top of that he's lying when he said he's tried his hardest to resolve us. The only thing he's done is buy me flowers and a dvd and he said it was to cheer me up. That's all he's done. That was his last chance. I'm sorry that it's over with (uk) but I've tried time and time again to be patient with him, explain when he's going wrong like he's asked me to do put it gets to the point where he tells me I'm treating him like a child. So, unfortunately this is it