The "Bad Mood" Thread

I am so sorry to hear that you lost Rue. I did not have a therapy animal but my cat I had growing up was my number 1 and at times I felt he was the only one who cared about me, so I can only imagine how hard it is. Like posted previously, let your anger out it really does help. Mourn how you want and cherish the best moments with your beloved. Animals are the hardest to lose because they love us unconditionally and it hurts more because of their short lifespans compared to ours.

 

I have been having some bad luck. First my trucks alternated has kicked the bucket and it took all weekend before I could get the truck there and today they don't even have the part! ok not the worst but irritating.
I get home and my 00g I have been taping for over a month is red inflamed and the plug is sliding out. Looks like I have a red hot blowout. At least my cat , aemilia, was greeting me at the door.

 

@PrincessGustopher I'm so sorry to hear about that, sounds like she was a wonderful friend and sounds like you gave her a lot of love. We're all here for you and there are lots of inboxes open for you if you'd like to talk, everybody has lost somebody and we're all here for you if you'd like to connect and just vent or share some pictures or anything. I know I'd be more than happy to see a few photos and hear some stories.

Hang in there, and make sure Alexis and Anna get lots of love. I'm sure they need it more than ever. ><

 

Uugh, dysphoria keeps kicking my ass yet again.
I wish I didn't have body hair. I wish I had boobs, I don't even care how big or small as long as they were obviously breasts. I wish I had flared, feminine hips. I wish I had thicker/rounder thighs and butt. I wish I had smaller hands, chest and shoulders. I wish I had a prettier face. I also wish I would stop wanting what I can't have. I wish I wasn't me.

 

I feel you on the body dysphoria. Had issues with it from a very young age (10 or so).
It may be a small consolation, but even if there's a lot of things about yourself that you wish were different, there's many people (particularly here!) that find you very attractive :3.
In any case, it is possible to change some of those things via HRT (to an extent) but I'm unsure how much much, exactly. There's others here that would know more.

 

I appreciate the compliment, but the way I feel about my body it doesn't really feel like it's me the compliments are for, if that makes sense.

I've done lots and lots of research and written (but never posted anywhere) quite a lot about why it's unlikely I'd have HRT. tl;dr is that I'm too much of a perfectionist, and HRT changes vary extensively between different people. I don't think it's likely that HRT would change enough for me to be happy with the results.

 

I'll admit I don't quite follow (maybe.) The target of the compliments isn't who you want to be, so they don't have the same effect?

Yeah, I figured you had looked into HRT before, and you're right, the results aren't very exact. And they vary (and cost money.) Wish I could offer some sound advice, but I still feel the same way sometimes, and my *partial* remedy (fitness) wouldn't work as well for you.

 

Pretty much, I think. I often don't like my body at all, so the fact that other people do doesn't really mean much to me, despite intention.

 

I feel like I'm absolutely no good at anything right now...

 

Welcome to the club ><

 

I could be totally wrong, but I feel like bi/gay people have higher amounts of body dysphoria, simply because they realize they're not their own type. I know that's what gives me the feeling. I want to be some slender, girly, crop top and thigh-highs kind of boy, but that's probably just because that's what I'm into. I dunno. I'm really not happy with how I look, yet I know people who are VERY happy with how I look. Doesn't make me feel any better about it either.

Kinda like being in a really good hip-hop band when you hate hip-hop. Everyone can praise you, but you'll still hate yourself for it.

 

I'm sure you're not wrong, but in my situation I feel it's more down to just not being female or feminine enough. Sure, I'm quite a gynephilic, but that's more to do with attractiveness of others. My desire to be feminine/female stems from a point of identity and core feeling rather than sexual attractiveness. The only sexual enjoyment I get out of imagining or wishing to be feminine/female is purely from perception of being comfortable with myself, not because I'd find myself sexually attractive; something that I don't even think will be possible.

 

You're right about the dysmorphia being higher among LGBT people. So are eating disorders. For whatever reason, we have a lot of problems with the way we look.

 

I wish I had enough courage to just make the final fucking cut.

Let's face it...no one gives a shit about me...not even myself. The only thing I'm any good at, I can't even do anymore. I live with a tyrant, and I'm too fucking meek and submissive to take a stand for myself, and I'm just /tired/. I don't want to try anymore. Fuck all of this.

 

Ugh, that sounds about how I was feeling yesterday. I'm sorry.
I don't know you intimately enough to give a "true shit," but your forum persona honestly makes you seem like a genuinely likable person. I've always enjoyed reading your posts, and seeing you around.

Anyway... I don't know who all is in your life, but surely your boyfriend cares? Parents? Friends?
And just who, or what, is the tyrant?

 

My sister is the tyrant.

She lives with me, but makes my life a living hell. My boyfriend cares about me, but that's about it, and I feel like he could do better than me anyways. I'm just hindering him.

 

shushies.
if your sister is living with you, in your place, and she's giving you hell, then you are very well in your right to kick her out. people might question your morals but just ignore them, because it sounds like she's being toxic to you.

as for your boyfriend- well, he's still with you, isn't he? if he's really committed to you, then he isn't going to go anywhere.

and lastly- we'd all miss you.

 

Agreeing with icestar, but assuming kicking out the sister isn't an option at this time. If you can, by all means, do so.
The way you feel about your boyfriend is how I feel about any potential partner of mine. It's just a symptom of our self-critical nature. Right now your boyfriend is committed. Could he do better? *shrug*if he's happy with you (for, what, two years now?) that's not something to worry about.
I realize saying "don't worry about it," and actually not worrying about it are two incredibly different beasts for our hyper-self-critical brains, but sometimes it helps to acknowledge that fact.

 

Vitani, you know I'm always available to chat with, and that I always value my friendship with you. You and your boyfriend always seem so happy together. It's not that he could do better or worse, but that he chose you, and only you to share his days with. That's valuable these days. You're never alone when you have him. You're also never alone because you have plenty of good people looking out for you here as well. Throw some words at me when you can, I miss talking to you.

 

But the fact that, not only has he NOT done better, but he hasn't WANTED to do better, is just a testament to how perfect you are for him.

If he was interested in doing better, if he was the least bit dissatisfied, he would have done so by now.