The "Bad Mood" Thread

8 years, 8 years of fucking friendship and I fuck up once and this is what happens. She's ignored me for the past three and a half weeks (even on my birthday,) I can count on one hand how many times I've reached out to her on Skype to try to get things resolved and I've sent her a total of three things via mail: one just being a letter, another being a care-package type thing I had put together before this shit happened and figured why the fuck not, and then a Ravenclaw scarf, all three of those being in the first week in a half when I was still holding onto that hope of this shit just blowing over. Outside of that I've given her space while she's left me completely in the fucking dark, and three and a half weeks later she decides that she doesn't want to leave me hanging anymore? Last message I sent her was yesterday telling her I was going to drop a couple things off at her place and that I didn't expect to see or talk to her, but that I just wanted to give her a heads up instead of showing up unannounced. What are those couple things? Christmas gifts that I had gotten her that I don't want in my fucking house anymore, because they make me feel like shit. Oh, and this was my fuck up, which happened after she told me that Will, the guy who lives all the way over in fucking England and had messaged me the night before trying to get me to call her because she disappeared for an hour and he was concerned about her well being, was lashing out at her.

I know I crossed a line twice during that: the psuedo ultimatum, which I was telling myself way beforehand not to do because it was incredibly fucking stupid, and then the "if you fucking do anything" bit at the end, which wasn't rational whatsoever because if she was going to do anything she would have already at that point and was just me being caught up and stupid. But I have no doubt in my mind what pissed her off was me telling her that she was trying to salvage something that had already quite clearly burnt down. But I don't think anybody can look at that conversation and tell me it was friendship ending, at least nobody that I have shown has yet, to the point where Emma actually straight up told me that she feels Lizzy is acting like a bitch.

She didn't even have the decency to tell me after that that she needed space and that we were going to take a break, no, Will decided to message me like a couple hours after that and we talked and he mentioned that she thought we weren't going to be friends for a while, almost as if it were an afterthought, where as not even 12 hours prior we were talking about going up to NYC together. And then for 3 weeks she left me completely in the fucking dark, because I fuck up for the first time with her and I'm done despite her betraying someone she's claimed to have fallen for by cheating and getting a second chance, fuck me right? I'm so fucking pissed right now.

 

Well, last night was fun. Got a call from my brother (he lives with our parents, on the other side of the country), and it appears my mother has finally snapped: crying for mommy, inventing events that never happened, etc. I don't know what to do with this.

I accepted a long time ago that my mother is two people: one very nice and well-meaning and extremely sensitive, and the other a total she-beast. The she-beast is not my mother. It's crazy and selfish and cannot be reasoned with. All you can do is duck your head and wait for it to retreat in a few hours, at which point 'mom' will reemerge and apologize profusely. (Right up until you leave your shoes in the hallway again or something equally "horrific".) The she-beast has been making its presence known more and more over the years, and it has now reached a pitch I've never seen before. My brother has dragged her and my dad to therapy, and it seems that it's doing him a lot of good, and for once my dad is stepping up to the plate and isn't enabling and defending her. So that makes me really, really glad. I don't know what this means for my mother, though.

I don't even feel upset or angry or even as sad as I should be. I still talk to my parents, but I cut myself off emotionally from them a long time ago. I used to be very close to my dad, until I grew up and realized that he wanted a pet, and he couldn't handle me having an identity outside of daddy's little princess. He's not the person I knew, he never was. I feel like one of those baby birds that's raised via puppets: the person I called "dad" was just a puppet. The person holding the puppet is nothing more than an acquaintance. Mom was a different dynamic, but the end result has been the same: they're both like relatives I barely know, and it's hard to get worked up over people you barely know.

My grandmother underwent the same transformation that I've just seen in my mom, only much later in life, and it was due to alcohol and drug abuse. She's not the grandmother I grew up with: she's an emotionally abusive psychopath. And they're not the only ones. It scares me to think that there's something genetic running through the family, but it affects step-members too: it's a cycle of cruelty and stupidity as each generation teaches the next to be just as screwed up as they were.

The only person I care about in all this is my brother. He's moving out in March, and March can't come fast enough. As for the rest of it...it's not my fucking problem. My mother spent too much time trying to "fix" or make up with my grandmother, and I'm not doing it. My brother's got a good girlfriend who's standing by him, a lot more friends than I had, and it seems to have helped to have an older sibling to call and reassure him that he's not nuts and things will get better.

 

Had to stay over an hour late at work today, all because the person I was supposed to be working with just felt like up and leaving to go home and leaving me with ALL the clean up work x.X

 

Hopefully that person gets a nabbed by the boss the next time they are in.

 

Well if

Well if you and your brother can come away from it ok, that's what's important.

 

Hnngh. A good friend of mine is likely going to break up with his girlfriend, and it's already super messy and it's being really painful for him. When they were fine together we did some FwB stuff (me with them both as a couple), but I decided I didn't really want to keep doing that. Well... he straight up asked me whether I'd have sex with him if he ended up single. He's really pushing the subject. Goddamn dude, how many ways can I say no? Take a hint. I'd really rather not get pushed to the point of saying something like "the sex was fun, but not good enough to warrant the gas money it takes to get to your house, especially with you all emotional from a breakup". I'm almost annoyed enough to just tell him that.

 

If that's what it takes to set him straight.

 

I hate what I see. I am disgusted by the fact that is how I am represented to the world around me. That image is not who I am but it is how the world will always see me.

Every time I wake up and look at my hand. That is how often.

 

got even sicker. whole body is getting shaky, chilly, sweating bullets, coughing up crap, and i still have my high fever. my voice is still gone too.

do not like this. i still have speech class tomorrow but if i can't speak idk what to tell my professor.

 

likely if you tell him yourself in the bad voice it should get the point across.

i had something like that, turned out to be a nasty case of bronchitis. i went to the doctor after a few days of it because it got a little hard to breathe. i would go if i were you if it persists more than three or so days.

 

Last week I bought myself a hard-to-find Skylander Trap Team figure on Ebay but I realized last night that it accidentally shipped to my old address. I didn't realize it had auto-put that address because my address on PayPal is right.... :<
I assume I'll just have to find a new one to buy, because the people who live where I used to live are assholes (the general populace, I haven't met the people living in my old apartment), and the staff is incompetant and... well kinda rude at times.

 

So an update.

My now ex boyfriend and I broke up, as he isn't sure what he wants and says he pretty much isn't ready for a relationship. 2 weeks later he is being really flirty with a chick on facebook. Confronted him, he get's defensive, yet the behavior continues. So I unfriended him, said to fuck off and to return my Jazzi plush. My friends suggest to burn his, and I am really tempted. However, I also took back character rights to the pony, and am hesitant,

Eitehr way I was played, yet again, only emotionally this time. It's like I worked my ass off to salvage this relationship and yet get nothing in return. Ya, have a good life, yeh mutherfucker. Hope you have a horrible love life.

 

So, who's this motherfucker? We'll be ready with baseball bats when he gets back. He won't even get a chance to get the sand out of his boots.

 

This is going to sound really petty compared to the real problems some people are having, but this absolutely erked me.

This is a text conversation I just had with a "friend."

Friend: Know any hot girls who might want to have a threesome with my friend and I?
Me: I really hope you're joking by asking me this
Friend: Lol. Thought that might get your attention. Hi!
Me: If you wanted my attention, a simple "Hello" is fine. Fuck you for that.
Friend: Okay. But I'm serious. My fuck buddy and I want to have a threesome. Do you know anybody?
Me: I'll say again. I really hope you're joking.
Friend: I'm not...
Me: Then fuck you
Friend: Why? Lmfao!
Me: Regardless of if I did or not. what should I tell you?
Me: *Why
Friend: Because you're my friend and I love you.
Me: I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit.

She has not texted back.

This is the same "friend" that I've helped move into multiple apartments, have been there when she and her boyfriend had arguments and needed someone to talk to, and has acted as her "guardian" when she was single and wanted to go out to bars or nightclubs. Some of you might think "Oh you're just mad because she's not fucking you." To which I say fuck you too. I don't do stuff in hopes for rewards, "brownie points", or whatever you want to call it. I do stuff because I use to be a generous and friendly person, but shit like this has drained all the kindness out of me.

 

Don't blame you at all, Guy. There's being generous, and then there's people expecting you to do everything for them.

 

This is not the army boyfriend is it @Jazzi the Pegasus ?

 

Yes

 

Oh no. *hugs* and you were looking so forward to him being back home.

 

Exactly. Its one thing if someone comes to you and asks for help with something, but its an entirely different thing when someone relies on you.

Maybe I'm just an ass, but I see it as annoying when someone comes to you for everything. Then when you say no or tell them you're tired of their shit, you're suddenly the bad guy not only to the individual, but to anyone that person knows. Fuckin' mob mentality y'know?

 

Stuck having to live with gf of 2 years for a month n half after she's broke up with me. Np sex no contact hardly any talk and I still do her favors n put money out today so she could get her last Christmas bits and some KFC for lunch n all I got was thanks..... Maybe 5 days into this now hornyness allready a problem n general mood has sunk to self harming again