The "Bad Mood" Thread

Not exactly bad mood. . But definitely debby downer moment...
I took a look at myself in the mirror today and went 'holy hell what the fuck happened ?!'

10-15 kg (haven't weighed myself recently) gained. . And it shows.
I'm so ashamed. I never wanted to let myself get like this but it just. .. happened.

 

awww poor you *huggs chubby boris* im sure with abit of woek each day you can get back to there you want to be.
there moe than a few people into fitness on here ask them for advice if you need it as im sure they can help

 

I'm really, really tired of being made to feel like I'M the asshole for calling out my family for LGBT bigotry. Apparently they have to walk around me on eggshells. Never mind that I can't tell them my religion, orientation, politics, hobbies, or the fact that they emotionally abused me for 20 damn years, lest they faint in horror.

Fuck them.

 

Feeling pretty damn pathetic right now. I also really miss my old online friends...

 

You're such an asshole for not wanting us to be assholes.

 

I try not to waste my energy with grudges but the fact is I still hold them soooo close to me.

Spoiler

I hate Big Lots rather thoroughly. Not the people individually, although I certainly have my right to be upset about some of the garbage situations I was put in. No hard feelings for the CEO, who I had the pleasure of meeting in person. But the company and its broken, backwards policies as a whole have left me with such a bitter hatred that FIVE MONTHS AFTER I'VE QUIT I still find myself boiling over past events.
One of my best friends and then my partner still work with the company, so I guess that leaves some amount of freshness. Actually most of the people I like to see regularly still work there. People good, company bad.

I am sick of having GOB (going out of business) nightmares. Just wish the dreams would focus more on the attitude I carried toward the end. Not tolerating peoples' bullshit, giving them solid, simple answers and not catering to their need to waste my time with policy talk, just walking away if they wanted to be a problem...actually having a backbone for once in my life, that was great.

Watch me still buy Hefty food bags from there anyway.

 

Total rant incoming:

Well that sucked. Rarely have I so misjudged someone. Got a full answer from my brother on why he was upvoting homophobic posts on FB on Friday (my "I totally accept you being bi, Caracal" brother).

Spoiler

Turns out he's one of those "I'm not REALLY a bigot because I don't want to lynch gays" people. He is LIVID over the decision and can't figure out how to explain why he's so angry, but he has decided that me and my husband are the face of everything that's wrong. Reasons he claims he's angry:
- My husband and I "bullied" someone. Read: my SO posted the final speech of the ruling to FB, I responded about how happy I was that others would have a shot at the same joy we've got as a married couple, and this kid responds with a vicious article about why homosexuality is evil. I know this kid: he was raised in a terrible household so I'm not sure it's fair to hold him responsible, so I apologized for upsetting him. He continues with another article about the "gay agenda". SO makes a joke and tells him to settle down. Aaaand that's it. Bullied! Attacked!
- My SO called him, this kid, and my father "bigots". He did not.
- The ruling is too soon and we're ramming it down everyone's throats. Everyone will hate gays now and America will be hell for the next 10 years.
- The ruling was inappropriate when the majority of the country doesn't support gay marriage. (Evidently brother has not read any statistics.)
- "Gays" should have had a chance to vote themselves; now they have no voice and it was unfair to them.
- It will lead to polygamy and incest.
- He had a worse childhood than mine.
- He was bullied in elementary school.
- He was bullied in college.
- He's been bullied for his faith. (Um...we grew up in Christian schools...)
- Everyone's gone crazy on facebook and he may have to delete his account.

Keep in mind, prior to this point, we've had a great relationship, no fights beyond "he/she stole my toy". I heard he developed a temper after I left home, but I've never seen it. Holy shit. I've resisted the urge to respond to everything but the bullying and lack-of-majority-approval claim, and from there on just let him go. Over a decade of ducking my head and pretending to be like them, and I poke my head up about LGBT rights, and lose both my dad and my brother back to back. We'll see if he gets mad enough to out me as bi to my parents, and if my mom believes me when I say I still love her and don't care about our differences.

Funny: I held off on telling them I no longer share their religion. That will be FAR worse.

 

Jesus christ... And this is why we need the movement in the first place....

My question is... how do you feel about this?

 

Disappointed in him. Numb. Terrified. Actually, pretty good, all things considered. It turns out I'm far better at extending olive branches than I thought: stayed nice and calm all the way through, conceded any points he had earned (few as they were). Last message to him ended the same way the one to my father did: we're never going to agree, and I'd rather stop talking about it than lose you. We'll see what he says. I think I can honestly say I did everything I could. I keep looking at the comic I linked in "What's on your mind?" awhile ago (https://imgur.com/gallery/hX9kf): you are BADASS CHICKEN, CARACAL!

Thanks for listening, Exeter: you've got a good ear, and I know you've been through a lot of crap lately. I know this isn't even close to what some other people go through. Hah, I said I wanted to be openly bi and openly support LGBT rights: time to put my money where my mouth is.

 

As I always say, there's no rule that says you have to come out to people. There's also no meaningful rule that says you have to keep ignorant volatile bigots in your life. I think your self-respect and dignity are worth more than sleeping in a hornet's nest. The bigotry towards the LGBT community is bad enough, but couple that with the religion and I don't think there's much there worth fretting over. Not everybody has to fear their family because of different views. Plenty of people feel differently or live differently and still get along fine. But if that's not the case, you don't have to settle for an uncomfortable silence while being judged and shamed. Life goes on whether or not people incapable of loving somebody unconditionally are still there. And it's your life, I wish you courage and pride as you think about how to live and deal with people who are diametrically opposed to your nature and lifestyle.

 

Thanks Looks like we've managed to smooth things over with a "agree to disagree". It's not ideal, but I can learn to live with this new equilibrium. I'm not being smushed, and hopefully they'll remember this as the LGBT person that showed them both firmness and kindness. I may be crap at standing up for myself, but apparently I can negotiate. I'll call it a victory.

 

Mitigating is all well and good, just don't sit there and take abuse you don't need or deserve. Blood is NOT thicker than water.

 

Well put. No, there is no abuse to be had here: the arrangement is clear, a two-way street. This all feels sort of like resetting a bone: got to break it first, and it hurts, but the new situation is fair. They know my viewpoints and they can't talk shit in my presence; anything else is their own affair.

 

Welp, I'm going to bed. Thanks again. I keep showing up to rant, and instead I get good advice. I like this place.

 

That's good enough for me! Just looking out for you ^^

 

Funny thing about that quote, it was originally a wiccan saying that went "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. In other words "The bond between those you choose to have as company is thicker than the bond of family".

 

So my mother had a bit of a bad reaction when I mentioned that I was thinking of seeing a therapist. She got pretty pissed off with me and she's insisting that find a way to transition without going through them. I know I can't talk to her about my problems because I get the usual "we all have problems, you have to deal with yours yourself" or if she's willing to listen, she just gets fed up and ends with "well I can't do anything for you". She even wants me to try transitioning without taking hormones, which I can't see happening in the slightest.

Now I'm looking at going back to university for another year because I failed, but that also means putting transitioning off for another year, which I feel really uncomfortable about. I don't know what to do.

 

Wow. Yeah, transitioning: something that you can TOTALLY do by yourself with no emotional support. Bootstrappy attitudes from anyone get annoying; from a parent on something this important, it's ridiculous.

 

I've never been less of a priority, never felt less important, and never been so forgotten when I needed somebody.

 

I wish I had more to give, but I think you've been more help to more people than you realize. I know it's a hollow comfort in the face of real struggles, but you're remembered here. And I think you're awesome