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The Sex Education Thread!

Discussion in 'Help, Questions and How-To's' started by Keely, Aug 7, 2014.

  1. Keely

    Keely The Happy Helpful Husky

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    Disclaimer:
    - I am not a doctor, if you're having a medical problem you should go to a doctor. I will give as much information as I can but I am not a medical professional and cannot see you so I cannot and will not diagnose you.
    - Bullying will not be tolerated. Telling people they should feel bad about their amount of sexual experience or making any sort of rape joke is not ok. Neither is any sort of disrespect to trans or intersex people and it will not be tolerated. If you have something hateful to say, keep it to yourself. This means referring to people by the pronouns they request to be referred by. For more information on pronouns see here.
    - If you have additional information or resources you would like to be included or information on changes that need to be made to the information presented please PM me and I will do it as soon as possible!


    Purpose:
    I have noticed that lots of people on the forums never seemed to have gotten good basic sex education classes. I'm here to try and fix that as much as possible!

    Sex, Gender (identity, expression, and role), and Orientation:
    A person's sex, gender identity, gender expression and sexual orientation are all different.

    Sex:
    this is a person's physical body as related to secondary sex characteristics (link is cisnormative). Secondary sex characteristics are those that develop during puberty (such as breasts or body hair). A person's sex can be normatively male, female, in transition between the two, or intersex.
    Note: while trasitioning trans people might have mixed secondary sex characteristics they are, by and large, not considered intersex. Intersex generally refers to mixed sex characteristics as a result of birth rather than by outside instigated change (such as surgery or hormones).


    Gender Identity:
    This is what a person identifies themselves as. It can be male, female, genderqueer, gender-fluid, third gender, no gender, multi-gender or anything else under the sun. (see here for a more complete list of identities.) A person's gender identity is completely separate from a person's sex, gender role, gender expression, and sexual orientation.
    Note: if a person's sex "matches" with their gender identity they are called cisgendered/cissexual/cis. If a person's sex and gender do not match up they fall under the trans umbrella.


    Gender Expression:
    A person's gender expression is how they express their gender to the outside world. This is generally viewed through the gender-binary lens and is generally described as more or less masculine or feminine. This has nothing to do with a person's sex, gender identity, or sexual orientation. A straight, male-identified person can wear a dress if he wants. Though often time trans people use their gender expression to present as conventionally "masculine" or "feminine" as possible in order to assert their gender identity to the outside world and to keep themselves safe. This can be through things like clothes and hair but also through language, posture and emotional expression.

    Gender Role:
    This is the gendered role that a person plays as defined by society. This is generally a binary role: such as male=masculine= breadwinner of family, aggressive, non-emotional or female=feminine= emotional, delicate, submissive. A person can mix gender roles freely and can take on either stereotypical gender role independent of their sex, identity, or orientation.
    Note about gender role and expression: These two are interconnected because the role you take often interconnects with other aspects of your expression though many people consider them separate things.


    Sexual Orientation:
    This is what a person is sexually attracted to. Sexual orientations are massive and varied and the most common of them are straight (liking people of the opposite gender, cis-ness generally implied), gay/lesbian (liking people of the same gender,cis-ness implied), bisexual (liking people of both genders, gender binary and cis-ness implied), pan/omnisexual (liking people of any sex and any gender), asexual (no sexual attraction to anybody, regardless of sex or gender). A more complete list of orientations and their definitions can be found here.

    Note: Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are also not tied together. It is perfectly possible to be male and be sexually attracted to both cisgendered male and female persons but only be romantically attracted to cis female persons. Or to be romantically attracted to female people but only sexually attracted to men.
    Note 2: The kind of sexual pleasure you like to receive does not indicate your sexual orientation. It is perfectly acceptable for straight men to enjoy anal penetration or for gay men to detest anal sex.
    Note 3: Your sex drive also doesn't indicate your sexuality. Gay people can not want to have penetrative sex and Asexual people can masturbate. Sexual orientation is about sexual attraction rather than sex drive and the will to have sex.


    Anatomy:

    Female Anatomy:
    If you have a question about a person who, regardless of identity or expression, has fully functioning female anatomy that has not been altered through hormones or surgery, please visit here for more information.
    Disclaimer: even though the source alludes to the fact that all female persons are born with female anatomy this is not true. Anybody of any gender identity or expression can have female reproductive organs.

    If you want information on the changes undergone by a person during hormone replacement therapy for someone transitioning from female to male
    please see here.


    Male Anatomy:
    If you have a question about a person who, regardless of identity or expression, has fully functioning male anatomy that has not been altered through hormones or surgery, please visit here for more information.
    Disclaimer: even though the source alludes to the fact that all male persons are born with male anatomy this is not true. Anybody of any gender identity or expression can have male reproductive organs.

    If you want information on the changes undergone by a person during hormone replacement therapy for someone transitioning from male to female
    please see here.


    Intersex:
    People of any gender identity or expression can be intersex. The old term, which is now widely regarded as offensive, was hermaphrodite. Please do not use this term. For more information about intersex people and what makes a person intersex please visit here.
     
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2014
    Tiffanbrill, Clowbi, Lee and 3 others like this.
  2. Keely

    Keely The Happy Helpful Husky

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    Condoms, Dental Dams, and Lube, Oh My!:

    Condoms:
    There are many kinds of condoms. The most common of these are latex condoms so I will, unless otherwise noted be talking about latex male condoms. If you wish to know more about contraceptives please visit here. If you wish to see a quick and easy chart of birth control efficacy please visit here.

    - Always put a condom on correctly, failure to do so greatly decreases how effective the condom is at protecting you from pregnancy and STDs (learn how to put one on here)
    - If you have a penis formed by an enlarged clitorus or a small penis from a metoidioplasty you can use the thumb cut from a latex glove as a condom.
    - Do not keep a condom in a wallet, pocket or glove compartment. Heat above 75-80 degrees fahrenheit (24-27 degrees C) will slowly begin to break down the latex and after extended exposure to heat it can cause failure of the condom while in use. Friction will also break down a condom (through a combination of heat and manual action) which is why keeping a condom in a wallet is doubly bad. If you're going out on the town, by all means take a condom with you so you can have safer sex but if you don't use the condom that evening you should only take that condom with you once or twice more before getting rid of it because it's spent too much time warm.
    - Always use lube on both sides of a condom, even if the condom is pre-lubricated it might not be enough. If there isn't enough lubrication during sex it can produce enough friction to rip the condom.
    - Don't put on more than one condom at a time. More does not mean safer. Two condoms worn at the same time will produce an intense amount of friction between them that will lead to the failure of both condoms.
    - Latex condoms are not compatible with any kind of oil lubricant. It breaks down the latex and can cause failure of the condom within a very short period of time. (more on the lubes you should use later)
    - Never use the same condom more than once. If you finish having sex and want to start again, use a new condom.
    - If you attempt to put a condom on and you put it on "backwards" (so the condom won't unroll down the shaft of the penis) do NOT just flip the condom over and keep putting it on, get a new one.
    - If you are sharing a sex toy between partners you need a new condom for each person.
    - If you are using a sex toy alone and it's only going to be in one orifice (i.e. only your vagina or only your anus) you do not need a condom.
    - If you plan on using the toy anally and then vaginally or orally you need a new condom between the anus and vagina/mouth. This also applies to partnered sex.
    - Do NOT use a condom with a spermicide on it. The spermicide used is a chemical called nonoxynol-9 and is a surfactant developed as a floor cleaner. It kills sperm, yes, but only because it is highly caustic to organic matter. Excessive exposure to it can cause lesions in the vagina or rectum and even one exposure is enough to upset the pH balance of the vagina leading to a yeast infection.
    - Condoms are available for very cheap from nearly any grocery or drug store and from multiple online sources. If you cannot afford them free condoms are available from almost every nurses office at college or high school, from various school clubs (especially LGBT associated ones) and from clinics like planned parenthood. If you do not have a safe condom, please do not have sex.
    - Condoms are the best way to prevent transmission of STDs. However, condoms are not guaranteed protection against an STD. Some STDs like Herpes or Crabs are transmitted through skin-to-skin contact rather than contact with infected body fluids. Diseases like these can be transmitted even if you use a condom. Condoms also do not guarantee protection against fluid-bourne diseases like HIV or Chlamydia. While the gaps in between the molecules of latex are too small to let bacteria or viruses through, if the condom isn't used correctly or if there is a micro-flaw within the latex transmission of an STD can occur. But having sex using a condom is much, much safer than unprotected sex. (for more information on STDs and the way they are spread please visit here)
    - Condoms should be used every. single. time. unless you're in a committed monogamous relationship with somebody who you know to not have any STDs and you both have consented to no longer use protection. Your risk of contracting an STD goes way up if you fail to use a condom. And if one partner has functioning female genitalia and the other has functioning male genitalia you should either want children or be using another form of birth control.
    - I'll repeat it again. always use a condom. Even if it's "only" for a blowjob or handjob or any other kind of non-penetrative sex. Transmission of HIV can occur by any bodily fluid (excluding tears, saliva and snot and urine) through any mucous membrane (nose, mouth, vagina/rectum, corners of your eyes) and any breakage in the skin. (including a hangnail, which is why condoms are important for handjobs)


    If you are allergic to latex there are several kinds of condoms available to you. There are Polyisoprene condoms, Polyurethane condoms and lambskin condoms. Polyisoprene is basically artifical latex; it doesn't have the same protein contaminates as natural latex and it is those proteins, and not the latex, that most people are allergic to (since this is still latex oil based lubes can NOT be used with them). Polyurethane condoms have virtually disappeared from the market since a process for manufacturing cheap polyisoprene was invented. Both polyisoprene and polyurethane condoms protect from pregnancy and STDs at similar rates to traditional latex condoms. Lambskin condoms should prevent pregnancy but there has not been any conclusive testing as to whether or not they will protect against STD transference.

    There are also female condoms that are essentially glorified plastic bags placed inside the vagina but they are less, available, less comfortable, and far more expensive than male condoms so I won't talk about them past this. You can find more about them here. And regardless of what that guide says PLEASE do not use them anally because they have the capability to go completely inside the anus and that is very dangerous.

    If you are wondering if your condom brand of choice is compatible with your Bad Dragon toy, please go here to check!
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2014
    Lee, aazhie and Sheyla like this.
  3. Keely

    Keely The Happy Helpful Husky

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    Dental Dams:
    Dental dams are essentially a condom for your mouth while preforming oral sex on somebody with a vagina or rimming on anyone with an anus. They are a square of latex or plastic placed over the vagina or anus to prevent the spread of STDs and other diseases orally. They can be bought at some drug or grocery stores and are found at some better-equiped clinics.

    Since dental dams are generally fairly expensive and hard to access there are three easy ways to make your own dental dam:
    1) take a condom, unroll it, and cut up once side of it. Place the square of latex over their vulva/anus and have fun!
    2) take a glove (latex or non-latex) and cut the fingers off. Then cut up once side and place over the vulva/anus and have fun!
    3) take a piece of cling/plastic wrap and place over the vulva/anus and have fun!

    Multiple STDs can be passed from vagina to mouth and there are lots of nasty diseases that can come from oral contact with human fecal matter. Always use a dental dam while rimming and always use a dental dam during cunnilingus unless you are with a partner that you know doesn't have an STD.



    Lube:
    - Lube is good for any kind of penetrative sex. Lube is for everyone. Lube is good :)
    - If you have a vagina use a lube WITHOUT glycerine in it. Glycerine is a form of sugar and can lead to a yeast infection. (this also applies to Jlube, because Jlube's base is sucrose which is an even purer form of sugar and will be even more likely to give you a yeast infection)
    - Lubes without parabens are ideal. Parabens are a type of preservative put in lube and other cosmetics. They, however, have been linked to breast cancer though exposure from deodorant. No studies have been done on lube and any pelvic cancers. Bad Dragon cum lube and clear cum lube both have parabens in them, decide if the risk is acceptable to you. (Warning: several people have experienced UTIs after using white cumlube vaginally so please exercise caution if you know you are prone to them)
    - Lubes you buy from a drug store are, as a general rule, bad for you. Astroglide is the worst followed closely by KY. The reason they are bad is not only do they have glycerine and parabens in them, they contain a chemical which draws water from the lining of the rectum/vagina and makes it more prone to tearing. Over time it can lead to cellular damage.
    - Vaseline, lard, or crisco should never be used as a vaginal lubricant because they can stay in the vagina for an extended period of time and allow bacteria to flourish. In addition vaseline (and other petroleum based oils such as mineral oil) should never be used with silicone toys as they can degrade the silicone.
    - Silicone based or hybrid (mixture of water based and silicone based) lubricants are a big no-no for silicone toys. This is because the silicone in the lubricant can bond to the silicone in the toy leaving you with a permanent sticky/grainy mess. Hybrid and silicone lubes are often marketed as "silver", "platinum", or "silk" so buyer beware. Some of the key ingredients to look for when checking if a lube is silicone based or not are: "Dimethicone", "Dimethiconol", "Decasiloxane", "Cyclopentasiloxane", and "Disiloxane".
    - Flavored lubes should not be used with a vagina. They usually contain sweeteners that can allow yeast growth. Even if a lube is marketed as "sugar free" if it contains aspartame or a sugar-alcohol it's not safe for your vagina.
    - If you're not using a condom coconut oil makes a good lubricant. It is a solid at room temperature but melts at body temperature so it is a liquid when you use it. It is also anti-microbial so the problems with using vaseline and crisco don't apply. (I and several other users have used it vaginally and anally without issue. Please do not use if you are allergic to coconuts and use extra caution if you are allergic to latex because the allergen in both of them is very similar and some people that are allergic to one find they are allergic to the other.)

    My favorite brands of lube are Sliquid for water-based lubes and Pjur for silicone based.

    If you are wondering if your lube of choice is compatible with your Bad Dragon toy go here to check!
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2014
  4. Keely

    Keely The Happy Helpful Husky

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    Sex Toys:
    Sex toys come in tons of different materials and sizes and can be used by anyone of any gender or sex.

    First some general safety notes:
    - If you are going to be using the toy anally it needs to have a base. If the toy doesn't have a base your anal muscles could contract and "suck" the toy up inside you leading to a very awkward trip to the emergency room.
    - If you are going to buy a toy used, make sure it is made of a material that is fully sterilizable or you could potentially contact a STD from it (more on which materials are sterilizable below).


    Toy materials:
    OK:

    -100% food or medical grade silicone (also called platinum cure)
    -glass
    -steel
    -aluminum
    - ABS plastic
    That's it. Those are the only materials that you will be able to sterilize.

    Also: buyer beware, with silicone toys ALWAYS make sure that it is 100% food or medical grade silicone and that it doesn't smell or taste off when it arrives. There is absolutely zero regulation in the sex toy industry so unless it's from a trusted brand (such as LELO, Tantus, Fun Factory, Vixen Creations) it might not be actual silicone. In addition a "silicone blend" is not the same as true silicone. That is silicone mixed with an inferior material so it's cheaper to produce. However it will retain NONE of the good qualities of true silicone.

    Middle Ground:
    - Wood (sealed and from a trusted company like NobEssence)
    - Stone
    - Ceramic

    These are materials that are generally considered to be sanitary and safe to use but may not be able to be sterilized. This means that though they won't leach toxic chemicals into your body and can be cleaned thoroughly they, by nature, have small pores and crevices that are capable of harboring bacteria and other nasties.

    Not OK:
    - PVC (this can leach many chemicals nasty chemicals into you. It can also leach plasticizers called phalates that can cause allergic reactions and have been linked to cancer.)
    - jelly, jel-lee, sil-a-gel (again with the phalates and loads of other crappy stuff. Gel is essentially industrial waste.)
    - cyberskin, fanta-flesh, real skin (basically anything "skin" or "flesh". The only exclusions are Vamp's Soft Skin and VixSkin which are silicone.)
    - TPR or TPE silicone these are a bit better but are still porous. These will probably not leach chemicals into you but as mentioned before, they are porous so you will never be able to sanitize them.
    - elastomer (about the same as TPR/TPE in terms of safety)
    - latex or rubber (good for condoms, bad for toys)

    These are all bad because they have pores in the material that bacteria, viruses, and mold can live in. You will never be able to get them 100% clean and so you should NEVER buy anything made out of these used, it could give you an STD.

    For a visual aide on why these toy materials suck see the pictures here. That same tumblr also has been running a new jar of doom for a couple of months now and have been updating on it regularly.

    Note about fleshlights: They are made of a material called sex-flesh that is NOT silicone and is not sterilizable so they should not be bought used as they could transmit STDs to you. Though they are generally regarded as being 'safe to use' as they have not been found to leach chemicals.
    Note about tenga products: They are made of an elastomer material and shouldn't touch each other though they are also generally regarded as 'safe to use' because they haven't been found to leach chemicals. Again don't buy a tenga product used (Edit: tenga does have a line of silicone covered vibrators that are indeed silicone and can be stored with other silicone products and can safely be bought used)
    Note about Phalates: They can be absorbed through the skin as well as internally so "strokers" and other male mastubatory devices that have them carry the same health risks as dildos containing them.



    Toy Material Interactions:
    Do not store anything from the 'not ok' list with anything from the 'middle ground' or 'ok' lists. Reviewers like Epiphora have kept silicone, glass, wood, stone, and metal toys together for years and have not run into any problems. The myth about 'don't store silicone toys together' comes from toys that were touted as silicone but really weren't being stored together and undergoing a reaction. I, personally, have kept silicone toys from BD,EE,FB,DA, Zeta, and every other company listed in this thread together in a giant heap and have never had any problems :3 However, storing the 'good' materials and the 'bad materials' together is a craps shoot. You might get lucky and have no reactions happen or you might get awful melty things happening like what happened when Audax put a tenga egg on a BD sample disk (hint, the egg melted and fused to the silicone). And I think by this point it needs not be said, but don't store 'bad' materials with each other either or you will most likely get some Jar of Doom action happening.

    For an absolutely wonderful and more complete resource on toy materials and safety please go here.
     
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2014
    Clowbi, Lee, VenusFlower and 3 others like this.
  5. Keely

    Keely The Happy Helpful Husky

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    Trans Primer:

    What is trans?

    Trans is a term used to refer to anyone who's gender identity does not line up with the one that is assigned at birth based on their genitals.
    Based on their genitals? And why is that a bad thing?
    Yup! based on their genitals. How many times have you heard "it's a boy!" or "it's a girl!" based on whether or not there's a penis present in the sonogram during pregnancy? This conflates a person's gender identity with what's in-between their legs and is a harmful practice. It's harmful because it means that trans people and children grow up thinking that something is wrong with them when they don't feel like a girl/boy even when they're "clearly" a girl/boy because of their body. It also means that people that are born intersex and with "indeterminate genitals" (the term used when a baby's genitals don't like like "normal" male or female ones) are generally forced to undergo surgery as infants and small children in order to "correct" their genitals so that they can be "normal" boys and girls because the belief that our gender is tied to our genitals is so profound that they believe that if the child's genitals aren't "normal" that they won't have the "correct" gender identity. (This also ties into other issues like (cis)men being "unmasculine" or "not real men" if they have a small penis.)
    You said "cis", what does that mean?
    Cis is the shortened version of cisgendered or cissexual. Cis is a latin prefix that means "on the same side of" and so is used to show that this person's gender identity is "in line with" the culturally expected gender for their body.
    Ok I know what the difference between trans and cis is, now what does being trans "mean" in relation to how their lives (and bodies) will change?
    Well first up a person doesn't have to change their body to be trans. They don't have to take any hormones or any surgeries (known as medical transition), or even change the way they dress or do their hair. Some trans people have dysphoria (where they feel like their body isn't correct) and some don't and even if a trans person has dysphoria they might not want to do things to change their bodies because of side effects, monetary costs, or any other number of reasons. A trans person also might not make any significant changes in their life. A trans person might change their name, change what pronouns they use, change how they talk or walk or they might not do any of those things. Some trans people might not do anything because of safety concerns (like not wanting to get kicked out of the house or lose their job) and some just might not feel the need to change anything about themselves! Both wanting and not wanting to change anything about themselves is an OK thing!
    Not changing anything? But I thought they identified differently! Wouldn't the whole "point" be to change?
    Nope! Just like genitals don't dictate identity neither does anything else about a person other than what they feel inside. That means that trans men can wear pretty, frilly things, or trans women can have epic beards and play football. A trans person is under no obligation to undergo any changes that they don't want to.
    Ok I get it, but if appearance doesn't dictate identity how am I supposed to know what to call people?
    Well that's easy! You ask!! You can say something like "Hi! my name is Bob! I use he/him pronouns! It's nice to meet you!" this will prompt people to identify their own pronouns for you to use. If they don't just simply say something like "sorry, but what pronouns do you use? I wouldn't want to misgender you on accident". This is respectful and lets people know that you care about being respectful of their identity.(Side note: don't use the term "preferred pronouns" the wording makes it sound like pronouns are something that somebody "prefers", like a flavor of ice-cream, rather than an important part of their identity.) And I can already hear you asking, but what if I want to talk about somebody that we're passing on the street or something? And to that I say use gender neutral phrasing!! Instead of saying "that girl has pretty hair!" you can say "that person with the silver handbag has pretty hair!" or say "that's a nice sleeve, I wonder how long it took them to get it done" rather than "that's a nice sleeve, I wonder how long it took him to get it done". This way you don't make assumptions on a person's identity based on what their body looks like! This also helps with the problem of people getting "attached to a gender" in their mind. Like if you don't know a person very well but you see they have breasts so you talk about them using she/her, only to later come to find that this person is agender and uses xe/hir pronouns and now you have to "unlearn" a set pronouns in relation to that person. If you never assumed their gender in the first place it would have saved you all the trouble of having to learn new pronouns for them :)
    Ok ok, but you mentioned "medical transition" earlier, what is that?
    Medical transition is the broad category of things that trans people can do in their transition that requires a doctor. This is stuff like getting hormone replacement therapy, getting hormone blockers, or getting any number of surgeries.
    Any number of surgeries? I thought there were only two kinds, top and bottom?
    This assumption is just plain incorrect. Surgeries for trans people differ but can include anything from removing breast tissue and moving nipples for a trans man to a trans woman getting her jawbone shaved to have a softer jawline. Trans people can have any or none of them and any combination thereof. For example a trans woman might have breast and hip implants added and have her jaw shaved and nose resculpted but not have any sort of genital surgery. Or a trans man might have "bottom surgery" but not a mastectomy. And before you ask here is a inphographic that gives some basic information on what happens during "bottom surgery". For more info just google "sex reassignment surgery". But again trans people are not obligated to do any sort of surgery for any reason.
    Ok I think I have a pretty good handle on everything you've talked about so far, but now I'm afraid of hurting other people. How can I be conscientious of the trans people around me?
    Well I'm glad you asked! There are some basic rules to follow:
    1) Always use their pronouns and refer to them by their correct gender when speaking to other people about them (but please be sure to ask and make sure they're out to everybody first, if they aren't do not out them).
    2) If you've known them for a long time ask them how they would like you to refer to them in terms of past interactions and ask them if they would like you to remove photos you have of them pre-transition.
    3) Always ask before you ask information about their transition especially if it has anything to do with their genitals. You wouldn't ask for invasive details about how somebody manages their diabetes so don't ask about their transition. Especially don't use language that implies that they will or should get hormones or surgery. Like don't say "so have you gotten hormones yet?" or "when are you getting surgery?", instead, if you have their permission to ask questions about their transition, ask things like "will you be taking hormones?" or "have you thought about getting surgery?". That phrasing allows them to talk about what they want in their transition and doesn't make them feel bad for not wanting any certain thing.

    4) Don't assume that just because they are trans that they will be willing or able to talk about trans issues at large or to educate you further on anything to do with trans people. Just because they are part of a minority group it doesn't mean that they are now a walking talking encyclopedia for anything to do with that group. If you have a question try googling it first, if you can't find a good answer then maybe ask a trans friend if they would be willing to educate you or would be willing to point you in the direction of good resources. If they're not, don't get mad just thank them anyway and say you understand.

    Ok that's all I can think of for now :) As stated before please feel free to PM me about adding or changing information!

    Special thanks to Shardik for providing some valuable information now included in this post!



    NOW! Ask questions, discuss, and have fun below!
     
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2014
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  6. Keely

    Keely The Happy Helpful Husky

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    another placeholder post for potential new info
     
  7. kittyboy624

    kittyboy624 IT Professional Kitty

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    Excellent start! :)

    Much better than the standard "When a horny dragon loves their dildo very much, they perform a special hug..."

    View attachment 479
     
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  8. DameKathryn

    DameKathryn Well-Known Member

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    Stickied for general usefulness
     
  9. Robert Thompson

    Robert Thompson Reaper of Fallen Toys, Porn King

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    I think this maybe my favorite thread
     
  10. Ajax

    Ajax Guest

    Very nice addition to the forums!
     
  11. GuyStripes

    GuyStripes An automatonic shark pirate

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    Thanks for all the information Keely, I've learned a few things. I'll be going through this every now and then.

    Someone give her a medal.
     
  12. Velixer

    Velixer The Musical Draconic Muse

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    Very informational there Keely, thanks :D
     
  13. ObeyTheSnarf

    ObeyTheSnarf Loser no longer living in my parents' garage

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    The only correction I have is the first "who's" should be "whose." :)
     
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  14. Ajax

    Ajax Guest


    If I could like your trans primer addition and especially parts 3 and 4 of this section eighty million more times, I would.
     
  15. Shardik

    Shardik Well-Known Member

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    All righty, then: I have a problem. For the past six months, I haven't been enjoying fucking all that much.

    I've never tried to hide how kinky, queer, or just plain bent I am. I have XL toys and several hundred feet of rope; I'm into sensory deprivation, flogging, fistfucking, and a million other things. In the past three weeks, I've had dates with three different women that went awesome... until. Everything about the various encounters was lovely; oral and hands and rope (lots and lots of rope with two of them) and all the things that keep us in suspense (figuratively). I seem to be able to maintain an erection throughout the whole thing. It's only when I put on a condom that things start to wilt. And even if I maintain an erection, my awareness of the difficulty and anxiety is making the problem worse. It's not my age or health; I stay hard during all the foreplay, I'm perfectly capable of maintaining an erection for an hour if I'm masturbating and edging myself, and I'm perfectly capable of getting off.

    Just not by fucking. Sigh. I wish I knew what was causing it.
     
  16. Kaiyodei

    Kaiyodei Member

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    I felt a little sore last night even without putting anything inside my body. but then it stoped and I don't seem to have any infections of the urinary system
     
  17. RedVixenFur

    RedVixenFur Spaintard

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    The general sex educations part (not including toys and brands) was the one given in high school to me.
    However, I just know 1 guy. ONE! That has actually used dental dams or a DIY dental dam. And when it comes down to condoms and fellations welp, I shall say Im guilty of not using 'em. But I have only had only 2 sexual partners. And if I get to feel little to nothing without a condom why I should have used them? Now I think: "not like I care about sex, let's get this job done but let's do it safely".
    Now I'm happily married to my bed and pillows.
     
  18. Robert Thompson

    Robert Thompson Reaper of Fallen Toys, Porn King

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    You know I do love that this is here but do you think we should create a "Tips and Tricks in bed" Thread where we share our ideas and see if there is anything new under the sheets
     
    ObeyTheSnarf likes this.
  19. DameKathryn

    DameKathryn Well-Known Member

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    I don't see why we couldn't have a tips and tricks thread
     
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2014
  20. Icestar

    Icestar Transformers!

    Joined:
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    1. Condoms are only 98% effective when used correctly.
    2. Sugar can cause infections in the vagina. This means things like chocolate sauce, honey, and lubricants with glycerin can be harmful.
    3. Having sex with an intoxicated person is legally rape in most US states, even if the person verbally consents. In the eyes of the law, drugs and alcohol impair your ability to consent to sex.
    4. Unprotected anal sex is the most dangerous sex act when it comes to spreading STIs.
    5. Not everyone can climax from oral sex or even likes oral sex. Don’t assume—ask your partner what they want!
    6. Condoms expire! Check the date on the wrapper. Also, storing them in wallets is not a good idea (see #8)
    7. If someone with a vagina has unprotected anal sex, semen can drip down into the vagina and pose a (slight, but still real) risk for pregnancy.
    8. Do not keep condoms in your wallet. The friction and heat exposure of keeping them there can make them ineffective. Keep them somewhere cool, dry, and out of sunlight.
    9. You should be tested for STIs with each new partner you have. Annual appointments are not enough protection if you have multiple partners in that time.
    10. Having anal sex does not lead to a gaping asshole unless your partner is literally an elephant.
    11. Sex with elephants is illegal. Don’t do that.
    12. Masturbating while wearing a condom can help people with penises get used to wearing them before sex.
    13. Penis size does not define your worth. It is not the be-all, end-all factor for most people.
    14. In fact, lots of people with large penises have trouble having sex without hurting their partner since the average vagina size is 6”-8” when aroused (it’s only 3”-4” when not aroused!).
    15. Your first time will almost definitely not be your best time. That’s okay, I promise.
    16. Herpes and pubic lice can still infect you if a condom is used if testicles come in contact with a vuvla.
    17. Only one out of three people can orgasm from receiving vaginal penetration alone. You’re not broken.
    18. People with penises can orgasm without ejaculating.
    19. The muscles in a vagina can be abnormally tense and cause intense pain when penetrated with a toy, penis, or tampon. This is called vaginismus and treatment for this includes relaxation therapy and using medical rods to help the muscles relax.
    20. The number of sexual partners you have does not define you. This rule applies to all genders.
    21. A diet of lots of dairy and meat can cause ejaculate to taste bad. Fruits that are very sweet (like pineapple) help combat this for some people. However, due to body chemistry, medications, and other factors, it might not always do the trick.
    22. Dental dams make oral sex with someone with a vulva safer. They are thin sheets of latex and can be home-made by cutting the ends off a condom and slitting it lengthwise to make a alternative option if you don’t have access to dental dams.
    23. The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings in it. That’s twice that of a penis! So, go gently until encouraged to do otherwise.
    24. Sex does not have to stop when someone ejaculates. Remove any condoms or clean up any mess, and keep going until everyone is satisfied!
    25. Communication is the number one factor to a better, healthier sex life.
    26. The hymen is not a bone, and does not break. It is a membrane layer that stretches. It can tear, which can lead to pain and bleeding. However, sex for the first time (or ever!) should never hurt. Go slower and focus on foreplay to increase natural lubrication.
    27. Sexuality is fluid for a lot of people. Don’t worry about labels until you’re sure in your sexual and romantic interests. Explore freely and worry about terms later.
    28. Orgasms release hormones that are natural pain-killers. This is why some menstruating people masturbate when they have cramps, because the body naturally reduces pain after an orgasm.
    29. The hormones released also account for why some people cry or get very emotional after an intense orgasm. It’s totally normal.
    30. There are limitless kinks in the world and so long as they are safe and consensual, there is nothing wrong with them.
    31. Medications and mental health disorders can mess with your sex drive. Talk to your doctor if your sex drive has suddenly increased or decreased after starting a medication—there may be alternatives.
    32. There is nothing “un-manly” or “gay” about enjoying anal pay. Most men who try anal enjoy a little sensation in that area. People with penises also have a p-spot (prostate) and can have intense orgasms through anal penetration.
    33. Always use lubrication generously to avoid vaginal or anal tearing.
    34. Urinating after sex can reduce the risk of a UTI in people with vaginas.
    35. Enjoying casual sex does not make you a bad person if you are up-front with your intentions and don’t maliciously seek to hurt others.
    36. Condoms come in multiple sizes! It should never be loose or painfully tight.
    37. Being sex-positive does not mean that everyone needs to enjoy sex. It simply promotes the happiness and sexual exploration (or non-exploration) of others.
    38. Porn is not an educational guide to sex.
    39. Certain positions feel better than others. Switch it up and find out what works for you and your partner(s).
    40. Condoms are more likely to break if you don’t leave a reservoir tip for ejaculate.
    41. Labia are often asymmetrical. Your long/uneven/poofy/dark labia are beautiful and there is nothing wrong with your body.
    42. Up to 80% of people with a vagina can squirt with either g-spot or clitoral stimulation.
    43. Drug store pregnancy tests are just as effective as brand name ones. In some cases, they’re even MORE effective.
    44. Elevating your butt with pillows can make missionary sex easier for those of us with a big tummy or thick thighs.
    45. Plan B does not work on people over a certain weight (160-175lbs).
    46. There are safe alternatives to condoms or oral contraceptive. Talk to your doctor about your options.
    47. Sex toys can open up a whole new world to folks willing to explore.
    48. Orgasms can be highly psychological. Most people can’t climax when they’re upset or distracted.
    49. Birth control can cause people to miss periods or spot in between periods.
    50. Sex doesn’t have to be gentle if you don’t want it to be. There are healthy ways to explore rough sex or BDSM.
    found here: http://wsl2007.tumblr.com/post/113900912663/submissivefeminist-condoms-are-only-98-effective

    feel free to add if you know something! continue the list!
     
    Serathaiya and Sheep like this.

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